The absent mother

Interview with Zinhle

Question: Can you share a bit about your childhood and the circumstances that led to growing up without a mother?

Answer: At the age of 4years , mom chose relationship over her own biological kids. She left and never looked back and sadly in the process my dad passed away as he was the only parent standing. The Queen who adopted me stepped in and she tried to fill up that motherly gap but still there was that void in me that longed for that motherly love that I never had to experience. Back then I couldn’t understand why I had to go through unfavourable conditions.

Question: How did not having a present mother affect your upbringing?

Answer: It affected me big time. I believe I was robbed a beautiful childhood because I was longing that one day I might be reunited with that one person who had became a stranger. I remember some days I will see some women passing and think what if that person is my mom. I had lots of questions on why was I brought in this planet to face rejection. It took me a while to find a sense of belonging, as many kids would be talking about their experiences with their moms and I had nothing to share.

Question: Who were the significant figures or role models in your life during your childhood?

Answer: My Aunty the beautiful Queen who had to take care of me during the last days of my father’s life. She raised me well and I will be forever indebted to her. She taught me Ubuntu, kindness and Hard-work. She laid out the good foundation. She is my role model, from her I learnt that we are here on this planet to serve and kindness is something that can be learned.

Question: How did your faith play a role in helping you cope with the absence of your mother?

Answer: During my teenage years it affected my faith because I believed that God had His own favourites but now that I’m surrounded with many believers I now see it as a blessing and I believe that everything happened for a good reason which God foresaw from the beginning. I love the book of Jeremiah where it says I Knew You before you were born, what I draw from this scripture it shifts the whole atmosphere and it changes everything about how I had perceived myself.

Question: What challenges did you face growing up without a mother?

Answer: Trying to fit in one was of the challenges I faced. Growing up I had to lie always about the whereabouts of her and at times I would say she passed away instead of answering questions which I didn’t have answers for. I had to pretend like all was well but deep down there was that child in me screaming for answers.

Question: In what ways did other women in your life, such as relatives or mentors, influence your spiritual and personal growth?

Answer: Women in my life have played a Huge role in my influence, spiritual journey and my personal growth, they made it easier for me to walk boldly In this beautiful journey called life. From my surrounds I get to learn that you cannot do this life thing in isolation you need a community that will cheer you up or that will pull you up when you are down as like if full of difference phases that we get to experience.

Question: Were there any particular Bible verses, Christian teachings, or church experiences that brought you comfort?

Answer: For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. ‘” — Jeremiah 29:11.
This scripture was the answer to the thousands questions I had. I found comfort in the promises of God.

Question: Did you ever question your faith due to the absence of your mother, and how did you reconcile those feelings?

Answer: yes countless times, I guess my faith was tested and dwelling in the word of God changed the whole narrative.

Question: What advice would you give to others who are growing up without a parent, particularly a mother?

Answer: My advice will be: Remember that other things are out of your control. Trust in the Lord and allow God to lead you, and other questions will be answered in Heaven so strive by all beens to make it to heaven.

Question: Do you have moments of feeling alone, envying those with their mothers?

Answer: Yes I do believe we all experience loneliness moments, I call it rollercoaster emotions. I don’t envy anyone with a parent but I am striving to be a better mom to my daughter.

Question: Have you healed from this or does it still affect you

Answer: I believe so, for me to share it without shedding any tears. I am living in acceptance era moments.

Question: Is there anything else you'd like to share about your journey and how it has influenced your faith and life perspective?

Answer: My journey has taught be about the power of forgiveness and Faith. The First Step to Healing is Forgiving and Letting Go of anger. Forgiving others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve. Forgiveness is the final form of love. I forgive myself and set myself free.

Editor’s note

What I’ve learned from this is, be a present parent. Mothers be present. Fathers be present. It goes beyond money. Be intentional about building a relationship with your children. The average adult has childhood traumas caused by many parental factors. No man or woman is worth you abandoning your children. They will not be kids forever , the time given to you to groom them is actually very limited considering the world is already setting the standards for them. We pray for all those who have experienced neglect and rejection. The stone that the builders rejected has now become the chief cornerstone!