yielded

YOU CANNOT LET GO OF PAIN WITHOUT HEALING

So, story of my life. I wrote a blog yesterday and saved it, but I can’t find it. Meaning I’ve got to rewrite everything. I’m so bored! One time, I was writing a book and I lost the whole chapter. As in, everythinggggg! That’s one thing I totally hate because I write on the go. Anyways, we muveee!

In this series of letting go, we will discuss different topics that deal with the many things people need to let go of. How do you let go of pain? By healing. There’s no other way. There’s one formula for this one, and it is to HEAL. Maaaany people are harbouring pain from various stages of life, and they are doing life with a limp. I always say this to my clients: We don’t know the real you. You also have never met the real you until you heal. You haven’t met yourself yet.

It’s the healed you that is the true you. The broken you may look a certain way, speak a certain way, and do things a certain way. I really don’t intentionally psychoanalyse anyone. Sometimes, it happens in the middle of a conversation, and I’m like, yeah, this is where the issue is. This kind of talk is coming from this place. Even the things people get angry about or are triggered by can tell you a lot about the pain they carry.

If you harbour pain, you’re no different from a person who has an illness but won’t see the doctor. They have no idea that the symptoms are worsening, but they are. Eventually, they will find out that the earlier they had dealt with it, the better. Listen, the woman with the issue of blood tried for her life until she got healed. We are told that the discomfort of that flow led her to do everything possible until she found the solution. Many people were sick and in pain that day, but they stayed home! They pretended it didn’t hurt.

Stop pretending. Stop acting like you’ve healed. Stop acting like you’re as joyful as everyone else. You’re the one suffering because only you know what’s in that heart. A broken person has a different perspective on life, and even in conversations, their input cannot always be trusted because they could be speaking from a place of pain.

They will say, “I don’t believe in love. All these couples are faking it.” No, my darling. Your pattern of five men doing the same thing to you has left you in pain, and now you have a false perception of love. We cannot trust your input. I’ve seen people take advice from bleeding people. My friend?? It’s like a patient in the hospital giving you a prescription on medicine while the nurse is sitting at the desk. They say, “Bring out a paper. Take two paracetamol, morning and night.” This is someone who is admitted in ICU! My friend, are we serious?

Of course, there are people who have managed to protect their minds, but it takes a lot of work. Heal. Heal because you need to. You really do. I don’t know how else to tell our generation that there’s no romance to depression and PTSD. PTSD can be dealt with. We need to come face to face with the state of our hearts. Whether you are in grief, you got hurt in a marriage, or whatever it may be that is causing you to walk with a limp, please deal with it. I say this to my clients too. People can smell pain off a person. You can almost taste the pain. And in that case, people step back. They don’t want to be burdened by you.

People draw closer to joyful people because, in a way, they are also looking to be influenced by joy. Believe it or not, you will take up the energy of the people you hang out with. Please don’t fool yourself into thinking you will hang out with chickens and not start acting like a chicken. You will not see it, but people who know chicken behaviour will see it. We feed off each other. We offload and upload from each other. Please take your healing seriously. It’s one of the best things you can ask God to do for you. With a limp, you can’t go far. With a limp, you’re less effective.

I’ve always made an example using Ronaldo, the soccer player. He’s the GOAT when he’s okay, but once he gets a fracture, you can cheer for him all you want, stand on seats and blow trumpets, he will not be an effective player. He will be told to get off the field, and someone who may be less talented than him will replace him while he sits and watches from the benches, if he’s not taken to the medical room.

The game will go on without him because of pain. Don’t let the games continue without you. The thing is, he is given immediate care so he can continue his career. You too need that. If he gave up after one fracture and said, “Argh, it’s okay, let me live with the pain,” you’d never see him on the field again, or he would perform way below his usual standard. Why? He didn’t deal with the fracture.

Stop running away from yourself. Stop making a home out of a place that was only supposed to be a temporary season in your life. You deserve to experience life beyond the things that hurt you. You deserve to know yourself outside your pain. You deserve to live, love, laugh and show up without constantly carrying the weight of what happened to you. A word is enough for the wise.

“Is there no balm in Gilead; is there no physician there?” Jeremiah 8:22 (KJV)

There is a Balm in Gilead. There is healing. There is restoration. There is hope. Don’t settle for living with a limp when you can seek healing. HEAL my love❤️.

If you read my blogs but have never met this  Wonderful Jesus that I’m always writing about,  you’d love to get to know Him, Or you know The Lord but have found yourself drifting far from Him, I would love to talk with you. Please send me an email  on yieldedcwcenter@gmail.com or simply comment, and I will reach out to you

I remember in school there were those special people who would worry the entire day because they had failed one exam. I wonder how they are handling life right now. I mean, yes, there is a disappointment that comes with failing when you were hopeful to pass, but there is also a bigger issue when one cannot overlook that failure and allow themselves to move on.

I believe 99% of the world’s population has failed at something. Be it school, a business, a relationship, an examination, or even something as simple as taking your first steps. Children, too, fail to take their first steps until after some time. There are, however, two kinds of people in this world: those who learn from their failures, let go and move on to do better, and those who never let go, so they never move on.

You would be shocked at the things people have failed to let go of. Eh! Like I said yesterday, we still don’t judge anyone, but come to class. Take a chair and let’s talk. If you read yesterday’s blog, you will find out that I struggled to let go of my favourite glass doll, Khethiwe. I did everything possible to fix her and held on much longer than I should have. In the end, she became a danger to me. That’s what happens to us when we hold on to failure for too long. It becomes a danger, particularly to our self-esteem and identity.

Peter failed to walk on water. Well, he walked a few steps, but he didn’t get to experience that moment without failure. Was it a good act of faith when he started? Yes! He actually attempted something nobody else did. Now, imagine if he had kept beating himself up daily, losing his appetite and even getting depressed because he started drowning and failed to walk all the way to Jesus. Refusing even to spend time with Jesus because he is too “stressed”

Today, we learn so much from his story, positive things. Personally, I love that story, and I consider his faith something beautiful, even more than the fears that kicked in. Even when he wrote his share of the Bible, he never mentions that particular failure.

Ask some of us to write one blog, and it will be full of that story about what happened last year and how we failed at something. We would talk about it until eternity. Given an opportunity, even on radio, we would want everyone to know that we failed and that they should feel sorry for us. We forget that even attempting to do something is a big thing, something we should be applauded for.

Listen, I have had many failures. You know I failed Mathematics dismally. Lol! As in, I got a very terrible mark. I can only calculate money, and funny enough, I thought I would pass it because, during the examination, it looked like I was actually calculating quite well. But to my surprise, lol, the results were soooo bad. Haaa! If you guys knew but when people talk about school, I don’t carry that on my head o, ah ah, I won’t.

I have failed at many businesses, after using all my money to start them. As in ALL. I have failed in relationships, in friendships and even in my spiritual life. People of God, many, many times, I have also had to talk myself out of the pity party of failure that leads to low self-esteem. It will scatter your confidence.

Today, I am saying, let go. Yes, you thought you would win that time, but it didn’t work out. It’s okay. It’s really okay. Someone would say, “No, it’s not okay because I would be far in life right now.” Do you know that the world never works like that? We work with facts. The fact is, that’s what happened. It’s the reality. What would have happened? Nobody knows. So, you shouldn’t base your life on what could have happened.

I’m not trying to be hard on anyone, but sometimes, to get someone to learn, you have to tell them the truth, even if it sounds like you are being insensitive. I’m not being insensitive. I’ve seen many people stay in one place when they could have moved on to greater heights, and they will tell you, “Oh, I can’t do it because last time I failed.” Last time? Who’s talking about last time? We’re talking about now!

Pack all your failures, all of them, every bit of them, and put them in a bag. I want us to throw them into the river today. Throw all that baggage away.

The disciples failed to heal the man’s son. Literally. The man said, “I brought him to your disciples, but the men couldn’t do anything.” He even told Jesus about their failure. That someone will tell people about your failures in life. You know African aunties and their gossip squads. They spread news faster than BBC! The man told Jesus that these people had failed. Grown men failed!

They will say, “Ah, a big girl like you!” or “A handsome boy like you!” They will hammer you with words. But this failure still led the man to Jesus. So, a loss can lead to a win, right. Darling, let go. Yes, I know you failed to live a holy life this year. Let that go, repent and try again. Yes, you failed to run the business. Learn from the failure and move on.

Imagine if doctors struggled with this. With the number of people who die daily, they would be wrecked, constantly thinking, “I couldn’t save that person.” But the next day, they are back at work, performing surgery on someone else, even though yesterday’s surgery wasn’t successful. Think about that analogy, and let’s meet again tomorrow.

With all my love

V.🌹

If you read my blogs but have never met this  Wonderful Jesus that I’m always writing about,  you’d love to get to know Him, Or you know The Lord but have found yourself drifting far from Him, I would love to talk with you. Please send me an email  on yieldedcwcenter@gmail.com or simply comment, and I will reach out to you

Hello, my yielded people! It’s been a while. This is probably the most inconsistent I’ve been on this blog. Your sister is juggling quite a lot, and I’ve learned that in seasons like these, you don’t do everything with the same energy and focus. You learn to prioritise. You list things according to importance and attend to them as you can.

I am sorry, however, to those who love this blog, for not showing up as much as I would have loved to. God has given me a strategy that works, and we will have blogs every day through that. I hope you didn’t think the title of this blog meant I was letting my precious baby go. I dey craze? No o! We stay here o. Na here I don build my tent! On a more serious note, how do you let go? How do you let go of things, people, memories, and even the things that haunt us, like failure?

One of the things you will need to learn early in life is the art of letting go because, in this life, you will have to let go of many things. When we were kids, we had a difficult time letting go of our broken toys. I remember I had a glass doll that my mom got for me. By the way, I played with dolls until I was around 15. Yep! And my mom knew how much I loved them. Even now, I have two because I gave the third one away to a little boy who came by my house and eyed it. I love teddies and dolls. Fun fact about me, I guess. I bet you wouldn’t have guessed, lol. And that’s the whole point.

Back to the story. My glass doll was such a precious thing to me. I held her as soon as I got back home from school and before I went too. One day, while my mom was cleaning, the glass doll fell. My mom knew how very special that doll was to me, so she really didn’t know how to break the news that, girlie, the doll had turned to pieces.

I got home from school, and she asked someone to bring the doll. She then said, “I’m sorry, but your doll fell.” My first thought was, “Ah ah! How?” That doll is glass. First of all, glass breaks. So, it’s not that I minded that the doll fell. Things fall all the time. But the fact that the quality of the doll meant that it would break when mishandled… Are you guys getting where I’m going with this story?

It’s not that you mind letting go. It’s the fact that when you let go, something happens to your heart, and that is heartbreak. So, she showed me the doll, and I cried. True story. I couldn’t let go, people of God. One thing about me, I love deeply and very loyally.

Guess what? I took cello tape and taped the doll. She was not the same anymore. I couldn’t carry her carelessly because she could now cut me, but because I couldn’t let go, I risked being cut. She was broken, and the pieces wouldn’t stay together. Sometimes, I’d have to put more cello tape on her just to keep her with me. You should’ve seen me dedicating myself to that project. HHe!

My mom suggested getting a new one. I didn’t want a new one. I wanted this one. I wanted Khethiwe. Weird name to give an English doll in a ball gown dress, but yeah, that was her name. If you laughhh? I kept Khethiwe for many years after that, still cellotaping her whenever needed. She wasn’t beautiful anymore. She wasn’t serving her purpose to me anymore. She was dangerous to me, and honestly, I couldn’t do much with her, but I kept her. It was the hardest thing to let go of.

You might think, “Ahh, it was just a doll. Throw it away already!” But that’s the thing. It wasn’t your doll, so you have no idea what that doll meant to me. See, maybe it’s because I’m a therapist that I think this way, but nothing is insignificant in therapy. If you tell me you need therapy because you lost your dog, I may not like pets, but I will not disregard your own uniqueness.

People struggle to let go of many things, and sometimes we have become so judgemental that we say, “But it’s been five years. Let go already!” It’s not for you to decide. Those of us who give advice to many people, be careful of imposing advice. Start by putting yourself in the position of the other person first. Letting go is a challenge for many people. From loss to grief, to addictions, to relationships, to failed projects, a whole lot! But it is very necessary.

I’m 30 now. Surely, I’ve grown to the age where losing a doll will not make me as sad as I was long ago. Maybe a bit, but definitely not enough to have me cellotaping a glass doll! There are things that you now find easy to let go of, right? But the fact that I feel that way about dolls doesn’t mean I feel that way about people. I hate losing people. I hate letting go of people but in some seasons I have to.

Some of us don’t mind letting go of people, so we judge those who do. Some get over things quickly, so we judge those who don’t. We hold people to our own biases. Almost as if we impose out emotional intelligence or dullness on each other. I eventually threw Khethiwe away when I realised that keeping her was costing us cellotape for school and that she was becoming a danger to my fingers. Listen, there is a cost to keeping what you should let go of.

That relationship that has made you so delusional that you want it to work by fire by force? You will pay with your sleep as you worry all night about whether it will work out. You no de sleep. You will live constantly on the edge. Those memories you have on your phone with that friend, and you know they are bad for you, but you refuse to lose the chat? It will cost you. The loss of many years, not letting go will cost you a longer period of pain.

I am an advocate for therapy, by the way. Not only because I help people in that regard, but also because I’ve seen it work. I see many things in therapy. Many. It gives me a strong feeling that many people should do it, for various reasons. I don’t need therapy for losing Khethiwe. You may not need therapy for losing a lover, but you may need it for losing a parent. Different experiences, different losses, different needs.

Let’s meet again tomorrow. This was a foundational blog to help us and bring us to the same understanding. There is a Khethiwe you must let go of. Deep down, you know this is true. And darling, Khethiwe can be anything & God cannot be excluded from this conversation . I love you, see you tomorrow. ❤️

If you read my blogs but have never met this  Wonderful Jesus that I’m always writing about,  you’d love to get to know Him, Or you know The Lord but have found yourself drifting far from Him, I would love to talk with you. Please send me an email  on yieldedcwcenter@gmail.com or simply comment, and I will reach out to you

Hey, my yielded people!!! You knowwww, while I was wrapping my head around the whole story of Jacob receiving a strategy from God to multiply his flock, I realised that God used dreams to communicate that strategy to him. Before we discuss today’s topic, I wanna say this: STOP GLORIFYING A BROKEN SLEEPING PATTERN! There are people who have insomnia or are sleep-deprived, and they have romanticised it so much. It’s not cute. YOU MUST SLEEP!

Funny enough, I used to be like that for years. I’m just not a sleepyhead, and I don’t sleep like I’m going to win a prize for it, but I REST. I am not sleep deprived. There’s a difference between not being someone who sleeps a lot and deliberately running yourself into the ground without proper rest.

For some people, your insomnia is because you’ve smoked or drank yourself into a disrupted sleeping pattern, or you have an insatiable addiction to social media, TV, or something else that keeps you awake when you should be sleeping. If God wanted to give you a dream, remember that this strategy was given directly to Jacob. If it were you, would you be in a position to receive it, or would you miss it because you’ve glorified sleepless nights?

I’m not saying sleeeeeep like a drugged person. I’m saying that some things need to be delivered directly to YOU. The man had wives! God could have told them, but guess what? This particular strategy had to be delivered directly to him. You like it when people tell you they had dreams about you? YOU COULD DREAM THEM YOURSELF! But when will you if you keep glorifying sleepless nights?

“Oh, some of us have insomnia.” GET HELP! We’re not going to clap for you. Please , if you need counselling, go for it. If you can afford to eat burgers every other day, put some of that money aside and deal with yourself. YES! Put some of those luxuries aside and deal with the internal noise that may be keeping you from sleeping. If you’re struggling with persistent insomnia, please seek appropriate medical help, too. This is not something to romanticise; it’s a health concern, and prolonged sleep deprivation can seriously affect your mental and physical well-being.

Structure your day in such a way that you can do your work, get enough sleep, and STILL have time for God. You cannot keep glorifying exhaustion and expect your body to keep cooperating with you . I feel like I just came with a whip this morning! But take it with a spoonful of sugar, and you will be okay. Let’s continue from what we discussed yesterday.

Here’s Mr Jac! He’s entered into a deal, in today’s business language, a business contract, with Laban, his uncle, who is also his business partner. They say, “Don’t do business with family.” Maybe when you read the whole story, you’ll understand why! But anyhoo, this deal seems to be unprofitable for Jacob because only a few lambs were speckled. The man was a risk-taker! They say business is for risk-takers. I don’t know, but I guess they are somewhat right.

Jacob goes to sleep and has a dream in which God shows him how to achieve the results he needs. How to multiply the lambs. How to grow the business. How to make a profit. How to succeed in the business and gain more from the contract than his uncle. How to turn the situation to his advantage. GUYS!!! The formula may look stupid to some of us, and we’d even wake up and tell ourselves, “I had such a stupid, silly dream!” Then we continue with our day, that’s IF we even remember our dreams.

Do you remember your dreams? Many people don’t, and they don’t even care! Do you see the risk? Do you see how God can communicate with you about the dangers around you, the direction to take, what to do, and even whom to marry, but you wake up, and the first thing on your mind is your debt? What if God was showing you how to come out of that debt? What if the very thing you dismissed as a silly dream was carrying an instruction, a strategy, or a warning you needed?

Forgetting dreams is a serious, serious problem! Imagine Jacob forgetting this dream. He might have left Laban’s house as a poor young man, with just a bit of this and that. But he woke up and vividly remembered what God had shown him. DON’T JOKE WITH YOUR DREAM LIFE! You don’t have to be a Joseph. Some people are dreamers by prophetic calling, but we all dream, too. Not necessarily in the same way, and not every dream is a message from God, but dreaming is a human experience.

Even people who do not worship God dream. Nebuchadnezzar had a dream, and Pharaoh had dreams, too. Why should YOU, as a believer, be careless about something that may be one of the ways God communicates with you? You have the Holy Spirit, and you can ask Him to help you remember and understand what you dream. WRITE YOUR DREAMS DOWN! The moment you wake up, before social media, before checking your messages, before allowing the day’s worries to flood your mind, write down what you remember. Even if it’s just a few details, WRITE THEM DOWN!

And pleeeeaaaseeee o , abeg , stop running to Google for dream interpretations as though every symbol has one universal meaning. Story for another day . Seek God, study His Word, pray for discernment, and test what you believe you have received. Not every dream is prophetic, and wisdom is required in interpreting them. I have SO MUCH to say, but let’s continue tomorrow!

READ JACOB’S DREAM BELOW. 👇🏽

Genesis 31:10–12 (KJV)

10 And it came to pass at the time that the cattle conceived, that I lifted up mine eyes, and saw in a dream, and, behold, the rams which leaped upon the cattle were ringstraked, speckled, and grisled.

11 And the angel of God spake unto me in a dream, saying, Jacob: And I said, Here am I.

12 And he said, Lift up now thine eyes, and see, all the rams which leap upon the cattle are ringstraked, speckled, and grisled: for I have seen all that Laban doeth unto thee.

If you read my blogs but have never met this  Wonderful Jesus that I’m always writing about,  you’d love to get to know Him, Or you know The Lord but have found yourself drifting far from Him, I would love to talk with you. Please send me an email  on yieldedcwcenter@gmail.com or simply comment, and I will reach out to you