Category: Her Journey

I met him when I was 17 and it was the best feeling ever.

Some are fortunate to have both parents. Parents that love you ,care for you and support you. Growing up I only had the chance to receive that from one parent who is my beautiful mom. I am of the belief that unless one parent is deceased there is no reason why one parent should raise a child but well under different circumstances such cases are common. My mom came to a foreign land in South Africa to seek for employment where she met my father and so I was conceived.

Things did not go well and my mother never saw my father again. In 1996 I was in born and the responsibility of raising a child on her own started . She went through a lot from working two jobs to knocking off very late to me sleeping at creche sometimes to days without laying my eyes on her . I remember at a young age telling her to stop working and stay with me and she would always say ‘I cant my baby Im doing it for you so you can have your ultra Mel’ which I loved at that time. Yoh I would cry every time she left me at creche and I would tell her she doesn’t love me which broke her heart. Fast forward 6 years later I went to stay with my grand parents back in Zimbabwe. 

They were good people and they made sure I did not feel the need of having parents but you know there was always a gap however my mom would always try to cover it by getting me everything I wanted and I am so proud of her. My young self needed my father to carry me on his shoulders, to tuck me in bed, to tell me he was proud of me when I got the best results at school, I just needed him to be there for me. Even though I felt certain discomfort comparing myself to other kids who had fathers, I was growing as a normal, strong and self-reliant person. I told myself that we do not choose our fathers, this is the way it happens for some of us. 

As I got older I took a step in of search of my father. It was not that hard because I had all the information I needed . I met him when I was 17 and it was the best feeling ever. We are still working on our relationship gradually and it sure has its ups and downs but we here now. Unfortunately I came across things that I had a hard time dealing with due to being fatherless. Low self esteem as you would guess because I would feel like if my father could not love me then who else will and it also affected my romantic relationships.I would feel the need to be independent and having a male do stuff for me was foreign , it still feels quiet awkward when someone expresses interest but oh well thats what makes it interesting right. Yes , there is a difference between those people who have fathers and those who have not, especially in early age. It changes how you look at the world and even how you relate to it.

God had a plan and a purpose why I was brought to this world according to Jeremiah 29:11 so I might as-well find happiness in my experiences and live a life full of joy and love.

EDITOR’S NOTE

One of the biggest challenges in society today is the issue of single parent households. I call it a challenge because biblically it is not the plan of God. God put family structure from the beginning fully aware of the need for two parents to be present in a child’s life. It’s a prayer point for intercessors to really press on because things must change! I always encourage those with both parents to honour and appreciate them because growing up with one or the other as Cindy mentioned, changes how a child relates to the world, to self, even to God. God as Father. I pray God heals all of the people who had to go through this and are still going through it; He is the Father of the Fatherless. He Fathers well. He is a good Father. Your father’s absence is not a mirror of God. He is ever present. Remember, you have a Father, The Lord God Almighty is His Name ! 🩷

Dealing With Heartbreak

1. Can you share a bit about your relationship and what led to the heartbreak?

A – I was in a relationship for 5 years and he left me to be with someone else whom he later engaged.

2. Was it a godly relationship? Did you enquire from God?

A – It was not a Godly relationship. Yes he was born again and he would pray with me and for me but we were very sinful. This includes drinking alcohol, fornicating etc. God told me to let the relationship go but I did not.

3. What were some of the emotions you experienced after the breakup?

A –  I was heartbroken! I felt unloved, betrayed and rejected. I thought it was the end of the world because never on a single day did I ever think I would go on with life without this person.

4. Did you have any particular coping mechanisms or activities that helped you during the healing process?

A – Well to be honest at first after the breakup I resorted to alcohol thinking it would help numb the pain but that was when I realised that it is a mistake that is just opening up a lot of wounds. It was then I went to God and asked Him to heal me and help me get through the pain and that is when I found church and serving being the things that helped me to cope

5. Did you seek professional help, such as therapy or counselling ? If so, how was that experience?

A – Yes I did. To be honest, therapy never helped me at all. I don’t know if I was possibly reluctant to getting help or it was just not working. Therapy was more of a money making scheme at that time.

6.What was the most challenging part of the healing process for you?

A – It was coming to acceptance with the breakup and knowing that it is over. That the person I thought would marry me actually chose someone else and also that God did not want this relationship for me.

7. Did you discover anything new about yourself during this time?

A – My ability to speak healing to others even when I was hurting. I discovered this very strong quality about myself that I never knew existed.

8. How has this experience changed your perspective on relationships and love?

A – I have come to the knowledge and understanding of God’s meaning of love and His requirements for relationships for His children. In the sense that we can never be unequally yoked and that this is mandatory for any child of God. I also still believe very much in love you can even say I am a lover of love, I however believe strongly in the kind of love that God wants for me which is one that reflects Jesus Christ.

9. How do you feel about the idea of entering a new relationship in the future?

A – I am very much excited! I can’t wait to be my future husband’s wife. He is blessed and so am I because I know that he is an amazing man of God who will be in love with an amazing woman of God.

9. What advice would you give to someone going through a similar experience?

A – Put your trust in God! For He knows everything. Cut off all contact if you still are maintaining it. If you have to cry, do it but cry at the feet of Jesus and not of the world. Forgive yourself and forgive him. We have been called to forgive as we have been forgiven. Let go and know God is in control.

10. Is there anything else you’d like to share about your journey of healing from heartbreak?

A – The Healing is a process and not an event. Do not expect all the pain and hurt to be gone in just one day but allow God to heal you and take all the time He needs. Remember that God knows everything and that heartbreak is not a surprise to Him though it may be to you. God knows your husband even when you still might not so all you have to do is trust Him, His plan and continue serving Him as you wait.

11. Words from you to you?

”God loves you! You are more than enough! Do not let that hurt be your identity. Your identity is found in Jesus Christ.”

EDITOR’S NOTE

Dealing with a heart thing is a hard thing. My advice from my own experience would be ; heal. Heal because if you don’t you’ll not only hurt others but yourself by making “broken people decisions”. These are the decisions that are impulsive and clumsy. Heal for you! Not for anyone else or to jump into the next relationship, heal for you because you need you. And my darling, let it go. New wine is coming. How long shall you mourn for Saul when the Lord has rejected him? There is a David chosen somewhere!

That balance I only found it in Jesus.

_ Christele Zongo

When I was young, l remember having conversations about the women who lose themselves after motherhood. Maybe we all said “this will never be me having kids doesn’t mean let yourself go” sometimes we become advisors to tell that woman how she should carry herself. 
Then years passed I became mother myself, far from home with no help except from my husband, it was hard. Exhausted, sleep deprived I begin to loose myself too. womanhood was an illusion, no more makeup, gain over 30kg, felt ugly. The balance that I thought I can achieve was just a mirage. Then came the time l had to go back to work. I think all mums knows the feeling “the mum guilt” leaving your baby to go work. It was hard, I’ll cry during my commute to work. How could I juggle between being a mom, wife, woman and an employee?
Society asks a lot from women, and that pressure is a burden to carry. Have kids and still look good, go to work and come do your chores, and take care of your husband.

I lost myself in the midst of all this. I was depressed, crying all the time, full of anger. I couldn’t take anymore so in December 2022 I decided to quit my job. During that time I decided to go visit my sister in Atlanta, and in that guest room of my sister house I decided to allow Jesus to have lordship over my life. To surrender everything. Trust me when I say that decision of surrendering was everything I needed. Step by step and one at the time God moulded me.
The balance that I thought was an illusion I obtained it in Jesus. I remember meditating on the Proverb 31 woman. Before that day I’ll tell myself that it’s impossible for a woman to be this balance and to be honest it is true, because it takes a supernatural power to be that woman. Without the Holy Spirit I’m tempted to say it’s impossible to find a balance in all this craziness.

The proverb 31 woman was an entrepreneur, an investor, a leader, a wife and a mom, she had that perfect balance. And that became a prayer point. I told God I tried myself but I couldn’t , I even lost myself. I didn’t even recognise who Christele was, I was tired but then l said God I surrender my whole life to you. Help me to be the believer, the daughter, the woman, the wife, and the mother you want me to be. And till now I still pray this prayer. 
I’ve been working 12 hours shift per day and despite the tiredness of work I still can find strength to hang out with my kids, cook some delicious meal for my husband, take care of myself and still have a personal Bible study.

The Bible said in Philippians 4:6 that in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to GOD.
Some prayer points might seem vain, I remember praying to be soft and more feminine, to speak calmly. Believe me, if you put a little faith in it, God will do as you asked. I wish it was my husband testifying this. The way that God softens me. Even my tone has changed. I was very masculine somehow it has disappeared😂.

To some mother I want to say the balance you need and aspire for is in Jesus. Learn to surrender, speak to him about your struggles, your incapacities , weaknesses, ask him to take them away.
We need that balance for a happy marriage, remember the proverb 31 woman, the scripture says that she is the crown of her husband, in other terms she is his pride, his riches. Meaning that some women can be their husband’s shame. The happiness of the couple and the family is “mostly”conditioned by wifey/mummy. 

In addition, we have to know that for us women to have a balance in our life we need help, the proverb 31 woman had help( house help)that’s why she was able to accomplish so much. To be productive you definitely need help, otherwise “hello” burn-out. 
I love to take care of my family, my husband, my kids. I love to cook for them but sometimes my husband cooks, while I’m watching tv or laying in my bed. When we both tired I ask my best friend to have them for sleepover and she knows that when I ask it’s because we need it. Having some help will definitely contribute in helping you finding your balance in womanhood, wifehood and motherhood 
To conclude that surrendering your journey to God is more than necessary, I’m even tempted to say that it’s a life saving process. Learn to surrender to God. Then after surrendering, learn to ask for help. You cannot do it alone. Your productivity is necessary for your family and marriage. Meditate on the proverb 31 it’s a blueprint for your journey. I prayed that our lord Jesus be the center of your life. I pray that you’ll find the balance you need for the happiness of family and marriage. God blessed you all

Editor’s note

I am so proud of you ! Those of us who haven’t married as yet, are learning . Thank you for all the lessons we learned from your journey. Dear wives, mommies and career women – you are the best! We love you !! 🩷

I grew up in a Luthern church, where going to church every Sunday was a tradition. I was 19 years old when I fell pregnant (in 2014 February) and my only worry was what will my varsity people say? I did not see any wrong in doing the acts which led to pregnancy because I wasn’t taught to read the Bible nor to pray. Life of parties was all I knew. Yes the phrase don’t play with boys was uttered many times but I thought it was only because our families didn’t want to be pointed in the village as “the fast girl parents” I would say.

I was in an abusive relationship at the time, kept the pregancy up to 8 weeks. Yes I contemplated on keeping it but the thought of being stuck with an abusive person for life led me to go and terminate as he had even made threats to kill me if I do anything to the baby.

I was under a medical aid and it was my doctor who suggested abortion after he saw my look when I tested positive for pregnancy at his surgery. He recommended me to a private clinic. Where I went 2 days, first day they just put a pill inside my womb. Second day after the bleeding had started I went for cleaning and the procedure was a bit uncomfortable as they insert cleaning and scrubbing tools😢😭 inside to clean.

Fast forward, (I’d like to keep the story short) l failed for the first time in my life all my first year second semester modules after that. At this time I was not even a believer, I would attend church to pass time. So l attended church not as a believer but as a church goer.

I forgave myself in 2020 when I was led to Christ and I had a mentor who was leading me through repentance prayers. My life changed after and the fear of the Lord was birthed. I am born again and l even have a son now! I’m sharing my story to advise someone who is about to make the decision to terminate, a sin is a sin no matter the circumstance. The guilt , the condemnation you feel after can be hard to come out of. Keep your baby. Keep your gift. God has a plan .

– Love,

Anonymous

Editor’s note

I believe that Anonymous’s story is to encourage those who have found themselves in a situation that may feel like a do or die. The devil may make you think you have only one way out – to abort but God already has plans for you and your baby. It’s quite a deep conversation or story to tell so l applaud anonymous for the courage to share. You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are still Gods child. To all those who relate, repent sincerely and also forgive yourself. Say it to yourself over and over again, “l forgive myself,” until you are able to move on. God loves you🩷🌸

I was so young and naive , l thought he was going to be my forever to the extent that we secretly wanted to get married in court. The Love was on fire.We had dated for 4 years. Fast forward to 2018 l traveled home for summer holidays. The year my life changed . . .