yielded

That balance I only found it in Jesus.

_ Christele Zongo

When I was young, l remember having conversations about the women who lose themselves after motherhood. Maybe we all said “this will never be me having kids doesn’t mean let yourself go” sometimes we become advisors to tell that woman how she should carry herself. 
Then years passed I became mother myself, far from home with no help except from my husband, it was hard. Exhausted, sleep deprived I begin to loose myself too. womanhood was an illusion, no more makeup, gain over 30kg, felt ugly. The balance that I thought I can achieve was just a mirage. Then came the time l had to go back to work. I think all mums knows the feeling “the mum guilt” leaving your baby to go work. It was hard, I’ll cry during my commute to work. How could I juggle between being a mom, wife, woman and an employee?
Society asks a lot from women, and that pressure is a burden to carry. Have kids and still look good, go to work and come do your chores, and take care of your husband.

I lost myself in the midst of all this. I was depressed, crying all the time, full of anger. I couldn’t take anymore so in December 2022 I decided to quit my job. During that time I decided to go visit my sister in Atlanta, and in that guest room of my sister house I decided to allow Jesus to have lordship over my life. To surrender everything. Trust me when I say that decision of surrendering was everything I needed. Step by step and one at the time God moulded me.
The balance that I thought was an illusion I obtained it in Jesus. I remember meditating on the Proverb 31 woman. Before that day I’ll tell myself that it’s impossible for a woman to be this balance and to be honest it is true, because it takes a supernatural power to be that woman. Without the Holy Spirit I’m tempted to say it’s impossible to find a balance in all this craziness.

The proverb 31 woman was an entrepreneur, an investor, a leader, a wife and a mom, she had that perfect balance. And that became a prayer point. I told God I tried myself but I couldn’t , I even lost myself. I didn’t even recognise who Christele was, I was tired but then l said God I surrender my whole life to you. Help me to be the believer, the daughter, the woman, the wife, and the mother you want me to be. And till now I still pray this prayer. 
I’ve been working 12 hours shift per day and despite the tiredness of work I still can find strength to hang out with my kids, cook some delicious meal for my husband, take care of myself and still have a personal Bible study.

The Bible said in Philippians 4:6 that in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to GOD.
Some prayer points might seem vain, I remember praying to be soft and more feminine, to speak calmly. Believe me, if you put a little faith in it, God will do as you asked. I wish it was my husband testifying this. The way that God softens me. Even my tone has changed. I was very masculine somehow it has disappeared😂.

To some mother I want to say the balance you need and aspire for is in Jesus. Learn to surrender, speak to him about your struggles, your incapacities , weaknesses, ask him to take them away.
We need that balance for a happy marriage, remember the proverb 31 woman, the scripture says that she is the crown of her husband, in other terms she is his pride, his riches. Meaning that some women can be their husband’s shame. The happiness of the couple and the family is “mostly”conditioned by wifey/mummy. 

In addition, we have to know that for us women to have a balance in our life we need help, the proverb 31 woman had help( house help)that’s why she was able to accomplish so much. To be productive you definitely need help, otherwise “hello” burn-out. 
I love to take care of my family, my husband, my kids. I love to cook for them but sometimes my husband cooks, while I’m watching tv or laying in my bed. When we both tired I ask my best friend to have them for sleepover and she knows that when I ask it’s because we need it. Having some help will definitely contribute in helping you finding your balance in womanhood, wifehood and motherhood 
To conclude that surrendering your journey to God is more than necessary, I’m even tempted to say that it’s a life saving process. Learn to surrender to God. Then after surrendering, learn to ask for help. You cannot do it alone. Your productivity is necessary for your family and marriage. Meditate on the proverb 31 it’s a blueprint for your journey. I prayed that our lord Jesus be the center of your life. I pray that you’ll find the balance you need for the happiness of family and marriage. God blessed you all

Editor’s note

I am so proud of you ! Those of us who haven’t married as yet, are learning . Thank you for all the lessons we learned from your journey. Dear wives, mommies and career women – you are the best! We love you !! 🩷

I grew up in a Luthern church, where going to church every Sunday was a tradition. I was 19 years old when I fell pregnant (in 2014 February) and my only worry was what will my varsity people say? I did not see any wrong in doing the acts which led to pregnancy because I wasn’t taught to read the Bible nor to pray. Life of parties was all I knew. Yes the phrase don’t play with boys was uttered many times but I thought it was only because our families didn’t want to be pointed in the village as “the fast girl parents” I would say.

I was in an abusive relationship at the time, kept the pregancy up to 8 weeks. Yes I contemplated on keeping it but the thought of being stuck with an abusive person for life led me to go and terminate as he had even made threats to kill me if I do anything to the baby.

I was under a medical aid and it was my doctor who suggested abortion after he saw my look when I tested positive for pregnancy at his surgery. He recommended me to a private clinic. Where I went 2 days, first day they just put a pill inside my womb. Second day after the bleeding had started I went for cleaning and the procedure was a bit uncomfortable as they insert cleaning and scrubbing tools😢😭 inside to clean.

Fast forward, (I’d like to keep the story short) l failed for the first time in my life all my first year second semester modules after that. At this time I was not even a believer, I would attend church to pass time. So l attended church not as a believer but as a church goer.

I forgave myself in 2020 when I was led to Christ and I had a mentor who was leading me through repentance prayers. My life changed after and the fear of the Lord was birthed. I am born again and l even have a son now! I’m sharing my story to advise someone who is about to make the decision to terminate, a sin is a sin no matter the circumstance. The guilt , the condemnation you feel after can be hard to come out of. Keep your baby. Keep your gift. God has a plan .

– Love,

Anonymous

Editor’s note

I believe that Anonymous’s story is to encourage those who have found themselves in a situation that may feel like a do or die. The devil may make you think you have only one way out – to abort but God already has plans for you and your baby. It’s quite a deep conversation or story to tell so l applaud anonymous for the courage to share. You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are still Gods child. To all those who relate, repent sincerely and also forgive yourself. Say it to yourself over and over again, “l forgive myself,” until you are able to move on. God loves you🩷🌸

I was so young and naive , l thought he was going to be my forever to the extent that we secretly wanted to get married in court. The Love was on fire.We had dated for 4 years. Fast forward to 2018 l traveled home for summer holidays. The year my life changed . . . 

N. Lupindo

My story begins with a love that blossomed in high school, between my Sotho mother and my Xhosa father. They were young, in love, and their love brought me into the world. My parents were traditionally married, and my mother took on a marriage name, as is customary among the Xhosa people. They welcomed me into their lives soon after their high school days, a tangible result of their youthful romance.

As a young couple, my parents moved between two towns in the Eastern Cape: uMTATA and Matatiele. Sometimes I stayed with them, and other times with my father’s family, adjusting to the rhythm of our somewhat nomadic life due to the public transport structure back then. This phase of my life, though fragmented, felt whole because I was surrounded by family and love.

Tragedy struck in 1997 when my father took his own life. I was only four years old. My mother and I continued our journey together, moving homes until 2001 when she took me to live with my father’s family while she sought job opportunities in Gauteng. Life had a semblance of normalcy; I was a happy child, even in the face of adversity.

In December 2004, I visited my mother in Johannesburg. It was the best time I ever had with her. Little did I know that those moments would be my last with her. In May 2005, my mother succumbed to HIV, and she was buried the following month. The grief was compounded by the fact that I was living in a boarding school and only visited my father’s family during the holidays. The death of my mother marked a profound shift in my life, a pivot from childhood innocence to a harsh reality.

After her death, I moved in with my maternal grandmother, a woman I barely knew. This transition was incredibly challenging. Living with my grandmother revealed a lot about my family’s dynamics and my own unresolved traumas. I realised that the void left by my mother’s absence was filled with confusion, hurt, and a sense of brokenness.

Life with my grandmother was difficult. The memories of my parents and the life I once knew faded as I struggled to adapt to a new environment. I had to leave the boarding school and face a different reality. The trauma of losing my mother and the subsequent upheaval led me to bury many memories of her, a defense mechanism to protect myself from the pain.

My mother’s death left an emptiness and hopelessness in me that I struggled to articulate. There were times I wished I hadn’t been born or could have died alongside my father in 1997. Life felt more like a punishment than a blessing without her. Despite being a good student and a well-behaved child, accusations and shame plagued my life.

In every moment of joy, sadness, confusion, and fear, I felt her absence acutely. Hearing stories of her kindness and faith brought mixed emotions; comfort in knowing she was loved by others and jealousy that I couldn’t experience her love fully. To cope, I blocked out memories of her, which led to me forgetting her voice and many details of our time together. Yet, certain memories linger: her bringing me the best clothes and yogurt (a treat I still love), holding me like a baby, and our walks around the community. These fragments are all I have left of her.

Despite the pain and the barriers I’ve built, my mother’s legacy lives on in me. I strive to be as forgiving, graceful, and loyal as she was. She endured so much, hurt by those who should have protected her, yet she loved deeply and generously. I cry for her pain and mine, but I know that to heal, I must confront these wounds, a process that feels like surgery.

Living in my head, the hope of what could be keeps me going. I still crave the love and safety of a mother, a void that remains unfilled. My story, though unique in its specifics, is similar to many others. I am grateful for the grace of salvation, which has kept me from perishing. As I grow older, I am forced to deal with my past, and it is overwhelming. Working through these hurts is hard, but I know it is necessary to become whole. I don’t want to be a wounded soldier in the field; I want to be healed and whole.

In this journey, I find solace in my faith. Truly, if it were not for the Lord, I would have perished by my own hands or the enemy's. Grace has kept me, and though the path is tough, I hold on to hope. I wish this cup would pass, but I trust that in facing my pain, I will find healing and strength.

Editors note: I pray that all those who lost their mothers find healing. God is a healer. The best there is, was and ever will be. I hope this story by this strong beautiful woman encourages you to keep going forward. The Lord is with you. You are loved. 🌸🩷🌸