Hello, my yielded people! It’s been a while. This is probably the most inconsistent I’ve been on this blog. Your sister is juggling quite a lot, and I’ve learned that in seasons like these, you don’t do everything with the same energy and focus. You learn to prioritise. You list things according to importance and attend to them as you can.
I am sorry, however, to those who love this blog, for not showing up as much as I would have loved to. God has given me a strategy that works, and we will have blogs every day through that. I hope you didn’t think the title of this blog meant I was letting my precious baby go. I dey craze? No o! We stay here o. Na here I don build my tent! On a more serious note, how do you let go? How do you let go of things, people, memories, and even the things that haunt us, like failure?
One of the things you will need to learn early in life is the art of letting go because, in this life, you will have to let go of many things. When we were kids, we had a difficult time letting go of our broken toys. I remember I had a glass doll that my mom got for me. By the way, I played with dolls until I was around 15. Yep! And my mom knew how much I loved them. Even now, I have two because I gave the third one away to a little boy who came by my house and eyed it. I love teddies and dolls. Fun fact about me, I guess. I bet you wouldn’t have guessed, lol. And that’s the whole point.
Back to the story. My glass doll was such a precious thing to me. I held her as soon as I got back home from school and before I went too. One day, while my mom was cleaning, the glass doll fell. My mom knew how very special that doll was to me, so she really didn’t know how to break the news that, girlie, the doll had turned to pieces.
I got home from school, and she asked someone to bring the doll. She then said, “I’m sorry, but your doll fell.” My first thought was, “Ah ah! How?” That doll is glass. First of all, glass breaks. So, it’s not that I minded that the doll fell. Things fall all the time. But the fact that the quality of the doll meant that it would break when mishandled… Are you guys getting where I’m going with this story?
It’s not that you mind letting go. It’s the fact that when you let go, something happens to your heart, and that is heartbreak. So, she showed me the doll, and I cried. True story. I couldn’t let go, people of God. One thing about me, I love deeply and very loyally.
Guess what? I took cello tape and taped the doll. She was not the same anymore. I couldn’t carry her carelessly because she could now cut me, but because I couldn’t let go, I risked being cut. She was broken, and the pieces wouldn’t stay together. Sometimes, I’d have to put more cello tape on her just to keep her with me. You should’ve seen me dedicating myself to that project. HHe!
My mom suggested getting a new one. I didn’t want a new one. I wanted this one. I wanted Khethiwe. Weird name to give an English doll in a ball gown dress, but yeah, that was her name. If you laughhh? I kept Khethiwe for many years after that, still cellotaping her whenever needed. She wasn’t beautiful anymore. She wasn’t serving her purpose to me anymore. She was dangerous to me, and honestly, I couldn’t do much with her, but I kept her. It was the hardest thing to let go of.
You might think, “Ahh, it was just a doll. Throw it away already!” But that’s the thing. It wasn’t your doll, so you have no idea what that doll meant to me. See, maybe it’s because I’m a therapist that I think this way, but nothing is insignificant in therapy. If you tell me you need therapy because you lost your dog, I may not like pets, but I will not disregard your own uniqueness.
People struggle to let go of many things, and sometimes we have become so judgemental that we say, “But it’s been five years. Let go already!” It’s not for you to decide. Those of us who give advice to many people, be careful of imposing advice. Start by putting yourself in the position of the other person first. Letting go is a challenge for many people. From loss to grief, to addictions, to relationships, to failed projects, a whole lot! But it is very necessary.
I’m 30 now. Surely, I’ve grown to the age where losing a doll will not make me as sad as I was long ago. Maybe a bit, but definitely not enough to have me cellotaping a glass doll! There are things that you now find easy to let go of, right? But the fact that I feel that way about dolls doesn’t mean I feel that way about people. I hate losing people. I hate letting go of people but in some seasons I have to.
Some of us don’t mind letting go of people, so we judge those who do. Some get over things quickly, so we judge those who don’t. We hold people to our own biases. Almost as if we impose out emotional intelligence or dullness on each other. I eventually threw Khethiwe away when I realised that keeping her was costing us cellotape for school and that she was becoming a danger to my fingers. Listen, there is a cost to keeping what you should let go of.
That relationship that has made you so delusional that you want it to work by fire by force? You will pay with your sleep as you worry all night about whether it will work out. You no de sleep. You will live constantly on the edge. Those memories you have on your phone with that friend, and you know they are bad for you, but you refuse to lose the chat? It will cost you. The loss of many years, not letting go will cost you a longer period of pain.
I am an advocate for therapy, by the way. Not only because I help people in that regard, but also because I’ve seen it work. I see many things in therapy. Many. It gives me a strong feeling that many people should do it, for various reasons. I don’t need therapy for losing Khethiwe. You may not need therapy for losing a lover, but you may need it for losing a parent. Different experiences, different losses, different needs.
Let’s meet again tomorrow. This was a foundational blog to help us and bring us to the same understanding. There is a Khethiwe you must let go of. Deep down, you know this is true. And darling, Khethiwe can be anything & God cannot be excluded from this conversation . I love you, see you tomorrow. ❤️
If you read my blogs but have never met this Wonderful Jesus that I’m always writing about, you’d love to get to know Him, Or you know The Lord but have found yourself drifting far from Him, I would love to talk with you. Please send me an email on yieldedcwcenter@gmail.com or simply comment, and I will reach out to you
