Author: Vanessa Moonkie

Interview with Thandiwe Shiridzi

1. Can you share a bit about your diagnosis with fibroids and how it has impacted your life?
   
   A – “Dramatic and Exaggerating the pain, after all its just period pains and every woman go through it, once you give birth you will be normal, stop being extra.” Those are the words I heard every time I cried about period pains, during that time of the month I will be throbbing, experiencing cramps, pain in the lower abdomen, nausea, diarrhoea, bloating, headaches and vomiting. I have tried all types of medication just to numb the pain and sleep as it would be a very long day, Funny thing no medication seemed to help as I would vomit everything that is when I saw that it’s not just a period pain. When I was student, I would skip class and write sick exams during my cycle as I wouldn’t function, the problem started when I joined the labour market as I cannot be absent for four days every month. As I grew up started noticing changes in my body and my flexibly, I’m always tired, bloated and constipated. I started experiencing pains in my leg and pelvic,have pressure in my abdomen, heavy clotting periods. My cycle become 19 days which means I go to my periods twice in one month, I have been to clinic and told its normal until I decided to consult with a gynaecologist. That is when I discovered I have uterus fibroids (non-cancer muscle tumours of the uterus) which are currently 7cm and they 3 of them. Living with fibroids is challenging you must plan around your menstrual cycle and always be ready for those random spotting. First day of my periods I don’t go anywhere, due to heavy bleeding, severe pains and been bloated. Your body changes so as your moods, you deal with daily pain and discomfort. My uterus feels heavy and when I lay down flat, I can feel the lumps, we don’t have flat stomach as we want to.

2. How has your faith helped you cope with the challenges of living with this condition? 

A – It is very easy to feel like most unfortunate person on earth as this is a monthly pain, I speak healing every time and reassuring myself that God is with me, and he will surely heal me. Sometimes I question myself on what I did to deserve this but again the word of God say whatever that is true, noble, right, lovely, admirable, excellent think of such. this thinking encourages me daily that God is not a man to lie, therefore healing is my portion, and I’m healed blessed and highly favoured.

3. Were there any specific moments when you felt afraid and discouraged?

A – l recently went for my annual scan just to monitor the progress of the fibroids , the fact that they grew drastically and been told about the myomectomy procedure, really scared me. I just told my friends how my brain its playing games with me. This will be my first time going to be admitted in a hospital let alone been operated, I trust God, he didn’t brought me this far to leave me. He is Faithful

4. How do you maintain your faith and hope during difficult times related to your health?

Negative thoughts are there daily, I speak life into my situation, prayer and the word of God. Faith comes by hearing the word. I declare healing over my body. I Attend midnight prayer group participate in everything that builds my faith. I also guidance from the holy spirit after all He is a wonderful counsellor, God says cast all your burdens to him for he cares for us.

5. Are there any Bible verses or Christian teachings that provide comfort or strength to you?

Psalms 121 – The are moments where you feel so alone,depressed, tired, exhausted and defeated, when I cannot describe the pain. Then I just shout that my help doesn’t come from man but comes from the Lord who created heaven and earth, my maker, whom nothing is impossible with. This word reassures me that God is in control, just be still and know He is God.

6. What has been the most challenging aspect of living with fibroids , and how have you overcome it? 

I once posted a picture of myself and questions I got is , “ Are you pregnant, OH girl you can’t let go of yourself like that, drink this and that to reduce that tummy.  I have a baby and look way better than you.”. I recently told my supervisor about my situation the first she told me is how she can never have fibroids and how she takes care of herself.  The process starts within, you must love and accept yourself and acknowledge the situation you are facing and seek help, talking about it helps me to cope. Never been anxious about tomorrow instead praying, I’m fully aware that fibroids affect fertility at the same time children are gift from God so trying to figure out a way and overthinking affects me, so I just surrender it to God.  Daily declaration, I’m aware that removing fibroids doesn’t guarantee that they won’t come regrow again, but I speak life and declare I would never experience this again, remembering that God has given me authority, whatever I bind on earth its bound in heaven.

7. Have you found any support within your church or faith community that has been particularly helpful?

I normally don’t speak about it as seems embarrassing and very sensitive, for past months the spirit of God has been locating me, I will just be called and my out and my Pastors will be praying for me. With few people I have discussed with I get support and encouragement. Listing to testimonies of people who God has healed encourages me daily, all things are possible.

8. What advice would you give to others facing similar health challenges, especially from a faith perspective?

Prayer is important, find someone to talk to so you don’t lose courage and faith. Our help comes from the Lord. Trust In God all the time.  Speak the change you desire; your tongue has power to create and destroy.

9. Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experience dealing with fibroids ? 

Another factor that causes fibroids is hormonal imbalance, therefore change in diet is essential, research and speak about it and be open minded not everyone understands. There are other ways people shrink the fibroids ; castor oil compress I guess depending on the size and experience.

10. What scripture has been your anchor?

Isaiah 43 

Editor’s note – We agree with you by faith Thandiwe – your surgery will go well. You will come out with a testimony and we use you as a point of contact for every woman with womb problems, every sickness, virus, disease, we declare freedom by the blood of Jesus. We can’t wait to hear your testimony!! As women, let’s get checked up as much as possible, this month there are places where there’s a discount for things like Pap smear, let’s go and get our check ups 🩷

I met him when I was 17 and it was the best feeling ever.

Some are fortunate to have both parents. Parents that love you ,care for you and support you. Growing up I only had the chance to receive that from one parent who is my beautiful mom. I am of the belief that unless one parent is deceased there is no reason why one parent should raise a child but well under different circumstances such cases are common. My mom came to a foreign land in South Africa to seek for employment where she met my father and so I was conceived.

Things did not go well and my mother never saw my father again. In 1996 I was in born and the responsibility of raising a child on her own started . She went through a lot from working two jobs to knocking off very late to me sleeping at creche sometimes to days without laying my eyes on her . I remember at a young age telling her to stop working and stay with me and she would always say ‘I cant my baby Im doing it for you so you can have your ultra Mel’ which I loved at that time. Yoh I would cry every time she left me at creche and I would tell her she doesn’t love me which broke her heart. Fast forward 6 years later I went to stay with my grand parents back in Zimbabwe. 

They were good people and they made sure I did not feel the need of having parents but you know there was always a gap however my mom would always try to cover it by getting me everything I wanted and I am so proud of her. My young self needed my father to carry me on his shoulders, to tuck me in bed, to tell me he was proud of me when I got the best results at school, I just needed him to be there for me. Even though I felt certain discomfort comparing myself to other kids who had fathers, I was growing as a normal, strong and self-reliant person. I told myself that we do not choose our fathers, this is the way it happens for some of us. 

As I got older I took a step in of search of my father. It was not that hard because I had all the information I needed . I met him when I was 17 and it was the best feeling ever. We are still working on our relationship gradually and it sure has its ups and downs but we here now. Unfortunately I came across things that I had a hard time dealing with due to being fatherless. Low self esteem as you would guess because I would feel like if my father could not love me then who else will and it also affected my romantic relationships.I would feel the need to be independent and having a male do stuff for me was foreign , it still feels quiet awkward when someone expresses interest but oh well thats what makes it interesting right. Yes , there is a difference between those people who have fathers and those who have not, especially in early age. It changes how you look at the world and even how you relate to it.

God had a plan and a purpose why I was brought to this world according to Jeremiah 29:11 so I might as-well find happiness in my experiences and live a life full of joy and love.

EDITOR’S NOTE

One of the biggest challenges in society today is the issue of single parent households. I call it a challenge because biblically it is not the plan of God. God put family structure from the beginning fully aware of the need for two parents to be present in a child’s life. It’s a prayer point for intercessors to really press on because things must change! I always encourage those with both parents to honour and appreciate them because growing up with one or the other as Cindy mentioned, changes how a child relates to the world, to self, even to God. God as Father. I pray God heals all of the people who had to go through this and are still going through it; He is the Father of the Fatherless. He Fathers well. He is a good Father. Your father’s absence is not a mirror of God. He is ever present. Remember, you have a Father, The Lord God Almighty is His Name ! 🩷

Dealing With Heartbreak

1. Can you share a bit about your relationship and what led to the heartbreak?

A – I was in a relationship for 5 years and he left me to be with someone else whom he later engaged.

2. Was it a godly relationship? Did you enquire from God?

A – It was not a Godly relationship. Yes he was born again and he would pray with me and for me but we were very sinful. This includes drinking alcohol, fornicating etc. God told me to let the relationship go but I did not.

3. What were some of the emotions you experienced after the breakup?

A –  I was heartbroken! I felt unloved, betrayed and rejected. I thought it was the end of the world because never on a single day did I ever think I would go on with life without this person.

4. Did you have any particular coping mechanisms or activities that helped you during the healing process?

A – Well to be honest at first after the breakup I resorted to alcohol thinking it would help numb the pain but that was when I realised that it is a mistake that is just opening up a lot of wounds. It was then I went to God and asked Him to heal me and help me get through the pain and that is when I found church and serving being the things that helped me to cope

5. Did you seek professional help, such as therapy or counselling ? If so, how was that experience?

A – Yes I did. To be honest, therapy never helped me at all. I don’t know if I was possibly reluctant to getting help or it was just not working. Therapy was more of a money making scheme at that time.

6.What was the most challenging part of the healing process for you?

A – It was coming to acceptance with the breakup and knowing that it is over. That the person I thought would marry me actually chose someone else and also that God did not want this relationship for me.

7. Did you discover anything new about yourself during this time?

A – My ability to speak healing to others even when I was hurting. I discovered this very strong quality about myself that I never knew existed.

8. How has this experience changed your perspective on relationships and love?

A – I have come to the knowledge and understanding of God’s meaning of love and His requirements for relationships for His children. In the sense that we can never be unequally yoked and that this is mandatory for any child of God. I also still believe very much in love you can even say I am a lover of love, I however believe strongly in the kind of love that God wants for me which is one that reflects Jesus Christ.

9. How do you feel about the idea of entering a new relationship in the future?

A – I am very much excited! I can’t wait to be my future husband’s wife. He is blessed and so am I because I know that he is an amazing man of God who will be in love with an amazing woman of God.

9. What advice would you give to someone going through a similar experience?

A – Put your trust in God! For He knows everything. Cut off all contact if you still are maintaining it. If you have to cry, do it but cry at the feet of Jesus and not of the world. Forgive yourself and forgive him. We have been called to forgive as we have been forgiven. Let go and know God is in control.

10. Is there anything else you’d like to share about your journey of healing from heartbreak?

A – The Healing is a process and not an event. Do not expect all the pain and hurt to be gone in just one day but allow God to heal you and take all the time He needs. Remember that God knows everything and that heartbreak is not a surprise to Him though it may be to you. God knows your husband even when you still might not so all you have to do is trust Him, His plan and continue serving Him as you wait.

11. Words from you to you?

”God loves you! You are more than enough! Do not let that hurt be your identity. Your identity is found in Jesus Christ.”

EDITOR’S NOTE

Dealing with a heart thing is a hard thing. My advice from my own experience would be ; heal. Heal because if you don’t you’ll not only hurt others but yourself by making “broken people decisions”. These are the decisions that are impulsive and clumsy. Heal for you! Not for anyone else or to jump into the next relationship, heal for you because you need you. And my darling, let it go. New wine is coming. How long shall you mourn for Saul when the Lord has rejected him? There is a David chosen somewhere!

That balance I only found it in Jesus.

_ Christele Zongo

When I was young, l remember having conversations about the women who lose themselves after motherhood. Maybe we all said “this will never be me having kids doesn’t mean let yourself go” sometimes we become advisors to tell that woman how she should carry herself. 
Then years passed I became mother myself, far from home with no help except from my husband, it was hard. Exhausted, sleep deprived I begin to loose myself too. womanhood was an illusion, no more makeup, gain over 30kg, felt ugly. The balance that I thought I can achieve was just a mirage. Then came the time l had to go back to work. I think all mums knows the feeling “the mum guilt” leaving your baby to go work. It was hard, I’ll cry during my commute to work. How could I juggle between being a mom, wife, woman and an employee?
Society asks a lot from women, and that pressure is a burden to carry. Have kids and still look good, go to work and come do your chores, and take care of your husband.

I lost myself in the midst of all this. I was depressed, crying all the time, full of anger. I couldn’t take anymore so in December 2022 I decided to quit my job. During that time I decided to go visit my sister in Atlanta, and in that guest room of my sister house I decided to allow Jesus to have lordship over my life. To surrender everything. Trust me when I say that decision of surrendering was everything I needed. Step by step and one at the time God moulded me.
The balance that I thought was an illusion I obtained it in Jesus. I remember meditating on the Proverb 31 woman. Before that day I’ll tell myself that it’s impossible for a woman to be this balance and to be honest it is true, because it takes a supernatural power to be that woman. Without the Holy Spirit I’m tempted to say it’s impossible to find a balance in all this craziness.

The proverb 31 woman was an entrepreneur, an investor, a leader, a wife and a mom, she had that perfect balance. And that became a prayer point. I told God I tried myself but I couldn’t , I even lost myself. I didn’t even recognise who Christele was, I was tired but then l said God I surrender my whole life to you. Help me to be the believer, the daughter, the woman, the wife, and the mother you want me to be. And till now I still pray this prayer. 
I’ve been working 12 hours shift per day and despite the tiredness of work I still can find strength to hang out with my kids, cook some delicious meal for my husband, take care of myself and still have a personal Bible study.

The Bible said in Philippians 4:6 that in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to GOD.
Some prayer points might seem vain, I remember praying to be soft and more feminine, to speak calmly. Believe me, if you put a little faith in it, God will do as you asked. I wish it was my husband testifying this. The way that God softens me. Even my tone has changed. I was very masculine somehow it has disappeared😂.

To some mother I want to say the balance you need and aspire for is in Jesus. Learn to surrender, speak to him about your struggles, your incapacities , weaknesses, ask him to take them away.
We need that balance for a happy marriage, remember the proverb 31 woman, the scripture says that she is the crown of her husband, in other terms she is his pride, his riches. Meaning that some women can be their husband’s shame. The happiness of the couple and the family is “mostly”conditioned by wifey/mummy. 

In addition, we have to know that for us women to have a balance in our life we need help, the proverb 31 woman had help( house help)that’s why she was able to accomplish so much. To be productive you definitely need help, otherwise “hello” burn-out. 
I love to take care of my family, my husband, my kids. I love to cook for them but sometimes my husband cooks, while I’m watching tv or laying in my bed. When we both tired I ask my best friend to have them for sleepover and she knows that when I ask it’s because we need it. Having some help will definitely contribute in helping you finding your balance in womanhood, wifehood and motherhood 
To conclude that surrendering your journey to God is more than necessary, I’m even tempted to say that it’s a life saving process. Learn to surrender to God. Then after surrendering, learn to ask for help. You cannot do it alone. Your productivity is necessary for your family and marriage. Meditate on the proverb 31 it’s a blueprint for your journey. I prayed that our lord Jesus be the center of your life. I pray that you’ll find the balance you need for the happiness of family and marriage. God blessed you all

Editor’s note

I am so proud of you ! Those of us who haven’t married as yet, are learning . Thank you for all the lessons we learned from your journey. Dear wives, mommies and career women – you are the best! We love you !! 🩷