Author: Vanessa Moonkie

Hey family! Welcome to Habits to Unlearn – Part 2.

Let’s talk about comparison one of the habits we often carry without even noticing.You walk into a room, and suddenly you feel out of place. Everyone seems “successful,” polished, experienced and you? You’re just getting started. Without even realizing it, your inner voice kicks in: “What am I even doing here? They’re better than me. I don’t belong.”

And just like that, you fold. Your posture changes. Here’s the truth: low self-esteem is loud, but so is confidence. People can read it. In how you speak. How you show up. How you carry yourself. Your body language. Your stature.

They say comparison is the thief of joy. But it’s also the seed of destruction. Don’t believe me? Let’s go back to the Bible. Cain compared himself to Abel instead of learning from him and look what happened. Cain looked at his brother’s offering and thought, “It should’ve been me.” He felt rejected. Not good enough. Instead of learning, he compared, and that comparison led to jealousy, and jealousy led to murder. And in the end? Cain became a vagabond wandering, lost, carrying the weight of a choice born from comparison.

That’s what comparison does it pulls you out of purpose and pushes you into places you were never meant to be. Let’s bring it to today. You’re comparing yourself to someone with 10 years’ experience, trying to match their results after 10 months. You put yourself on a scale with someone who started before you and wonder why you’re “behind.” Even someone who started yesterday has a 24-hour advantage over you. And I won’t even start on marriage. Actually, wait let me start.

You’ve been a “good girl.” A solid young man. You’ve kept yourself, made good choices or at least tried. And yet… you’re still waiting. Meanwhile, you see others maybe not as “good” as you getting married, settling down, posting picture-perfect moments. And deep down, it pains you. Then the comparison starts: You look at your ex’s new girlfriend and think, “What did he see in her that he didn’t see in me?”

You spend 24 hours on her social media, zooming in on photos, checking her captions, scrolling through her friends list hoping to crack some invisible code.And that’s where the self-doubt creeps in. You begin to ask questions like: “What does she have that I don’t? What am I missing?” Let me tell you, you’ve already started comparing, and it’s quietly stealing your joy. You are you. She’s not you. He’s not you. I’m not you. And you’re not me. You’re not them. There’s peace in embracing that. There’s rest in accepting God’s unique plan for your life , not resenting someone else’s because I’m so sure comparison is a seed of jealousy.

Not everyone will have a degree and the earlier you accept this, the better. Now, am I saying drop out of school? Absolutely not. But I’m speaking to reality. Not everyone’s path will follow the same script. Some people won’t graduate and still, God will open doors for them. You don’t come from a rich family accept it. You who’s rich should never look down on someone as well. You’re not better, you’re privileged to get better opportunities.

Stop trying to dress like the rich man’s son when your story is still unfolding. Wear your own shoes with confidence. Not everyone will have the number 8 shape. And guess what? The shape you have is perfect for you. Fearfully and wonderfully made, others have seen doctors to look how they look. Not everyone will get results in 5 yearsYours might come in 6. Or 10. Relax and according to your own season.

Not every woman will have two or more children. Some have one. Some have none. That doesn’t make the next woman better than you. The man driving a Bentley is not automatically better than the one driving a Toyota. You don’t know how he got there. Some people you’re comparing yourself to? They joined cults. They made deals in secret. They sold their bodies. And here you are, trying to match them with clean hands and a pure heart. That’s not just comparison that’s injustice to your own process. Trust your pace. God is not late You’re the one in a hurry.

UNLEARN THIS HABIT.

See you tomorrow 💕

Hey family! It’s sooooo good to be back! I trust you’re all doing well and still yielded. 🙏🏾🩷

I hope by now you’ve all got your copy of A Thing Called Time, o! 😄 We’re about to dive into a new series titled “Habits to Unlearn.”. The heart behind this is simple to expose the little foxes, clear the dusty corners that mess up the room, and remove the tiny stones that keep tripping us up. Shall we begin?

NEGATIVE SELF TALK

For many years, I was self-sabotaging, and I mistakenly called it humility. I told myself I was being “down to earth.” I would constantly downplay my potential. I would recommend others for opportunities I was just as qualified for because, I was afraid I might fail if I took the shot.

The truth is, self-sabotage can wear many disguises. It can look like humility, caution, shyness, or even being “wise” but at its root, it’s often fear. So, what is self-sabotage? Self-sabotage is when you consciously or unconsciously hinder your own success, growth, or healing. It’s when your actions, thoughts, or beliefs work against your own goals and potential , even when you deeply desire progress.

Sometimes, it’s loud and obvious. Other times, it’s silent, subtle, and spiritual. But the result is the same: delay, defeat, and discouragement. In a moment, I’ll list some common signs of self-sabotage and if we’re honest, many of us will see ourselves in at least one of them. I personally know the areas where l frequently self sabotage. Let’s go to the bible and see if there’s anyone who did this.

“But Gideon answered, “Pardon me, Lord. How can I save Israel? My family group is the weakest in Manasseh. And I am the least important member of my family.”

Judges‬ ‭6‬:‭15‬ ‭ICB‬‬

I really love the children’s Bible , it’s so easy and simple to understand. Now let’s talk about Gideon. Would you say he was humble… or was he actually self-sabotaging? I’d say the latter. Gideon carried a mindset of inadequacy long before the Lord even spoke to him. You can tell by what he said. Just like it shows in your words that you don’t think much of yourself.

He had no confidence. He didn’t see himself the way God saw him and let’s be honest, many of us do the same. Let me say this clearly: If you think being shy is helping you… more often than not, it’s not.While you’re holding back, someone more confident not necessarily more skilled is stepping up and walking away with your trophy. We need to unlearn the phrases we’ve rehearsed every time we’re asked to do something:

“I can’t.” “I’m not ready.” “Maybe someone else.”

Then later you regret not taking a chance. Meanwhile, someone else with only 20% of the knowledge, experience, or anointing is saying “Yes” and they’re walking into doors you were meant to enter. So the question is: Why do you do that to yourself? There’s literally nothing good you ever say about yourself and then you wonder why nobody calls you for opportunities anymore? It’s because they took your word for it.

Some people even underperform on purpose just so they don’t outshine others. My dear, that is not humility. That is self-sabotage. It’s time to change that vocabulary you taught yourself. The school of negativity awards you a masters degree for all the silly things you say. All those, “I am not fit for this,” “I’m not good enough,” “I have failed before so I will fail again” statements. Some of us even say those things to God like Gideon did.

Stop. (My voice is firm at this point) 😂

Sometimes self-sabotage dresses up as fake humility but eventually, it will undress itself, and you’ll see just how much damage you’ve done… with your own mouth.

Listen carefully, UNLEARN THIS HABIT.

I’ll see you tomorrow, bring a friend 🩷