Author: Vanessa Moonkie

I grew up in a Luthern church, where going to church every Sunday was a tradition. I was 19 years old when I fell pregnant (in 2014 February) and my only worry was what will my varsity people say? I did not see any wrong in doing the acts which led to pregnancy because I wasn’t taught to read the Bible nor to pray. Life of parties was all I knew. Yes the phrase don’t play with boys was uttered many times but I thought it was only because our families didn’t want to be pointed in the village as “the fast girl parents” I would say.

I was in an abusive relationship at the time, kept the pregancy up to 8 weeks. Yes I contemplated on keeping it but the thought of being stuck with an abusive person for life led me to go and terminate as he had even made threats to kill me if I do anything to the baby.

I was under a medical aid and it was my doctor who suggested abortion after he saw my look when I tested positive for pregnancy at his surgery. He recommended me to a private clinic. Where I went 2 days, first day they just put a pill inside my womb. Second day after the bleeding had started I went for cleaning and the procedure was a bit uncomfortable as they insert cleaning and scrubbing tools😢😭 inside to clean.

Fast forward, (I’d like to keep the story short) l failed for the first time in my life all my first year second semester modules after that. At this time I was not even a believer, I would attend church to pass time. So l attended church not as a believer but as a church goer.

I forgave myself in 2020 when I was led to Christ and I had a mentor who was leading me through repentance prayers. My life changed after and the fear of the Lord was birthed. I am born again and l even have a son now! I’m sharing my story to advise someone who is about to make the decision to terminate, a sin is a sin no matter the circumstance. The guilt , the condemnation you feel after can be hard to come out of. Keep your baby. Keep your gift. God has a plan .

– Love,

Anonymous

Editor’s note

I believe that Anonymous’s story is to encourage those who have found themselves in a situation that may feel like a do or die. The devil may make you think you have only one way out – to abort but God already has plans for you and your baby. It’s quite a deep conversation or story to tell so l applaud anonymous for the courage to share. You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are still Gods child. To all those who relate, repent sincerely and also forgive yourself. Say it to yourself over and over again, “l forgive myself,” until you are able to move on. God loves you🩷🌸

I was so young and naive , l thought he was going to be my forever to the extent that we secretly wanted to get married in court. The Love was on fire.We had dated for 4 years. Fast forward to 2018 l traveled home for summer holidays. The year my life changed . . . 

A child is the greatest joy in the world, but when you’re on your own and struggling, you forget about all the blessings you have.You’re in such a difficult situation and you’re constantly fighting to survive.

You have to do so much work just to keep your child fed and alive. You don’t have time for joy and gratitude. You’re bitter and always on the edge.As a young mom l find myself not having enough ,enough even to save. Every month/everyday l have to work hard just to earn enough for food and electricity . This is my story.

I found out l was pregnant ,13 weeks far along already.This was the same period where l lost my dad.l felt like my life was coming to an end,”this was not how it was supposed to be”.l asked myself “HOW”.Having to live my truth ,l dreaded feeling those little flutter kicks in my belly,l dreaded every single moment of my pregnancy,hence why l dont even have a single picture of myself with my bump.

I stopped praying & going to church for a long time because l was embarrassed and l felt l wasn’t worthy to stand before God’s presence. l drifted far-far away from God; l even thought He hated me.

I broke the news to my babys’ father.He acknowledged it , promised & swore down that he was going to be with me all the way despite the “distance”.

Mind you l never went for any doctors checkups because l truly didnt want the pregnancy and l didnt care about the stanger in my belly. I was far from home l literally had no one but just my one friend who held me down. God Bless her . Thursday 20 March 2019 l started having contractions , obviously l ran to google lol l thought it was Braxton kicks, nothing serious.

That whole night l couldn’t sleep ,l was in pain, nothing prepared me for such.The only doctor l had was youtube and google. Long story short l gave birth to a bouncing baby girl she was very much healthy, my birth process wasn’t complicated at all, considering the way l was stressed. See God. I had to take care of the hospital bills by myself. Since the little stranger decided to make an entrance l had to buy baby clothes by force 😂. l didn’t know anything about babies l had to learn on the job..

My friend that was there for me during the whole thing, lets call her Buhle. We lived together, that summer she had to travel home &our rent was to expire shortly. I told baby daddy (BD) 3 months prior about it he never did anything about it ,several occasions he would promise stuff and NEVER fulfill them. l was kicked out from the apartment and had to live with a friend again for 6 months.

I got tired of the lies and promises l just had to pick myself up and hustle for me and my child. Funny thing l would find myself back with him again. I felt bad raising my child by myself without a father figure, l thought l had failed her. I started making body scrubs ,serums ,at some point l sold makeup products, nigerian food, clothes , wigs just to make ends meet. lt wasn’t enough to cover rent bills, food, clothes etc and where l am, there aren’t jobs like that. It’s always restaurant jobs where you work looonng hours in exchange for peanuts.

I worked at a club as well as a bottle girl, a host.l found myself entertaining some men outside of my caliber because l wanted to survive. l have been on survival mode since 2018 and lf l am being honest, l am exhausted.

All in all l thank God for strength, l perfected my skills in wigging, hair installation etc, that is how l manage to put food on the table, coupled with other side hustles.

This journey has taught me how to be jacked up& make the best out of any situation. I still rose above the hurt and disappointments . I saw God. l see God and how He constantly upholds me with His righteous hand each day. l still take an intentional decision everyday to be kind to myself& show up fully for me and my baby. I am not where l want to be as yet but im grateful lm not where l was yesterday.

My advice to all women is “Be stingy with your uterus” Don’t put your life on hold for anything. Choose yourself over &over again . Above all else, choose God.

Editor’s note

I know many single mothers and l have never taken time to ask about their journeys. Things can be so difficult for people around us and we have no idea. Contact a single mother and love on them. They may need a hug, encouragement or some help. Remind them that they’re not forsaken. The rejection of man does not mean God feels the same way. Dear Mommies, you’re doing an amazing job. Our God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Your children will be mighty on the land. We love you 🌸🩷 {please read Isaiah 54: 4}

N. Lupindo

My story begins with a love that blossomed in high school, between my Sotho mother and my Xhosa father. They were young, in love, and their love brought me into the world. My parents were traditionally married, and my mother took on a marriage name, as is customary among the Xhosa people. They welcomed me into their lives soon after their high school days, a tangible result of their youthful romance.

As a young couple, my parents moved between two towns in the Eastern Cape: uMTATA and Matatiele. Sometimes I stayed with them, and other times with my father’s family, adjusting to the rhythm of our somewhat nomadic life due to the public transport structure back then. This phase of my life, though fragmented, felt whole because I was surrounded by family and love.

Tragedy struck in 1997 when my father took his own life. I was only four years old. My mother and I continued our journey together, moving homes until 2001 when she took me to live with my father’s family while she sought job opportunities in Gauteng. Life had a semblance of normalcy; I was a happy child, even in the face of adversity.

In December 2004, I visited my mother in Johannesburg. It was the best time I ever had with her. Little did I know that those moments would be my last with her. In May 2005, my mother succumbed to HIV, and she was buried the following month. The grief was compounded by the fact that I was living in a boarding school and only visited my father’s family during the holidays. The death of my mother marked a profound shift in my life, a pivot from childhood innocence to a harsh reality.

After her death, I moved in with my maternal grandmother, a woman I barely knew. This transition was incredibly challenging. Living with my grandmother revealed a lot about my family’s dynamics and my own unresolved traumas. I realised that the void left by my mother’s absence was filled with confusion, hurt, and a sense of brokenness.

Life with my grandmother was difficult. The memories of my parents and the life I once knew faded as I struggled to adapt to a new environment. I had to leave the boarding school and face a different reality. The trauma of losing my mother and the subsequent upheaval led me to bury many memories of her, a defense mechanism to protect myself from the pain.

My mother’s death left an emptiness and hopelessness in me that I struggled to articulate. There were times I wished I hadn’t been born or could have died alongside my father in 1997. Life felt more like a punishment than a blessing without her. Despite being a good student and a well-behaved child, accusations and shame plagued my life.

In every moment of joy, sadness, confusion, and fear, I felt her absence acutely. Hearing stories of her kindness and faith brought mixed emotions; comfort in knowing she was loved by others and jealousy that I couldn’t experience her love fully. To cope, I blocked out memories of her, which led to me forgetting her voice and many details of our time together. Yet, certain memories linger: her bringing me the best clothes and yogurt (a treat I still love), holding me like a baby, and our walks around the community. These fragments are all I have left of her.

Despite the pain and the barriers I’ve built, my mother’s legacy lives on in me. I strive to be as forgiving, graceful, and loyal as she was. She endured so much, hurt by those who should have protected her, yet she loved deeply and generously. I cry for her pain and mine, but I know that to heal, I must confront these wounds, a process that feels like surgery.

Living in my head, the hope of what could be keeps me going. I still crave the love and safety of a mother, a void that remains unfilled. My story, though unique in its specifics, is similar to many others. I am grateful for the grace of salvation, which has kept me from perishing. As I grow older, I am forced to deal with my past, and it is overwhelming. Working through these hurts is hard, but I know it is necessary to become whole. I don’t want to be a wounded soldier in the field; I want to be healed and whole.

In this journey, I find solace in my faith. Truly, if it were not for the Lord, I would have perished by my own hands or the enemy's. Grace has kept me, and though the path is tough, I hold on to hope. I wish this cup would pass, but I trust that in facing my pain, I will find healing and strength.

Editors note: I pray that all those who lost their mothers find healing. God is a healer. The best there is, was and ever will be. I hope this story by this strong beautiful woman encourages you to keep going forward. The Lord is with you. You are loved. 🌸🩷🌸

Hey family . I hope we are all doing okay . I am sorry for not showing up for reflection Friday, l had a long but glorious weekend at the Esther Arise Conference 2024 🌸🌸🌸. The past weekend l learned something about God this time, from experience ; He is the One who makes a way. He will make a way for you.

I have exciting news for us this August!!! Last week l contacted a couple of women to feature in our upcoming yielded blog posts to share their life stories and experiences. I do believe that the testimony of the believer is for the edification of the church. Many people want to talk and never take time to listen. Some have an opportunity to learn from others but they choose to learn from making a mistake first. Another difference between the foolish virgins and the wise virgins is the fact that others prepared accordingly even without knowing what time the groom would come. You prepare even when you have no idea what the future holds.

The beautiful women of God that will be featured here have gone through different life experiences and stages, things you may relate with and things that will just feed your mind. We have discussed this as the yielded family , we are a family that hungers for knowledge and understanding. I encourage you to show up and take what is for you and run with it. We have exciting exciting topics that will be covered here!! To name a few ;

• Healing after rape
• The journey to purity
• Forgiveness after abortions
• The businesswoman of God
• The authentic woman
• The orphaned woman
• etcetera

We will also be joined by great women of God who I have served under for many years. Such people have little time for these things because they are always busy but they have chosen to show up and teach us a couple of things. I encourage you to be consistent this month. Do not miss out! Do not miss out! Do not miss out!

• Explore heartfelt stories from women of different ages and backgrounds. Whether you’re looking for inspiration or simply want to learn more about particular topics , the yielded Center is the place to be!! Connect, learn and reflect.

Our ad video will be out this afternoon on the Yielded TV, be sure to share with your friends. Okay before you say I didn’t teach anything today here’s a verse;

“Surely you need guidance to wage war, and victory is won through many advisers.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭24‬:‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

We all need guidance. We all need to learn something from each other. One who says they don’t need advice is a fool. Your next level could be in the encouragement of a brother or sister. I love you so much, see you tomorrow! ❤️