Category: Dealing with self

One day I had a conversation with someone, and they told me they had intentions to marry me. I said, “Oh wow, what a wow! This is sweet news mos. Let everyone get their tailors ready.” But then I began to ask questions. As the person responded, it became clear that with what I now knew, I could not make that choice. If I genuinely love myself, then based on the information I received, I could not decide to spend the rest of my life with this person. That reminded me of something important:

You must be informed before you make any choice.

It is dangerous to choose something or someone simply because you feel something, or because your friends want it for you. Many people have invested in things without being informed, no background check, no prayer, no reflection. They just heard the word “money” and threw their savings away. Before you decide anything in life, marriage, business, friendships, opportunities, relocation, you need information.

Ask questions. Seek wisdom. Pray. Think.So before you say you are “head over heels in love,” pause and ask yourself, Who is this person? What am I choosing? And do I truly know what I’m committing to? Wisdom is not found in excitement; it is found in understanding. Back to the story of Lot. Lot is about to separate from Abraham, and the Bible says he looked and saw a beautiful plain. The land looked perfect, green, watered, flourishing. It looked like the ideal place to relocate, the perfect environment to settle in. And what did Lot do? He made the decision instantly.

“I am relocating to this plain. It’s green, there’s water, and there’s no sign of famine or spoil.” But notice something, the Bible never mentions that Lot made any spiritual enquiry. He didn’t pray.He didn’t seek guidance. He didn’t even ask Abraham. He didn’t ask God. He saw and he moved. So what truly informs choice? It’s your vision in the natural combined with your insight in the spiritual. When you marry the two, you can make decisions wisely. This was our conclusion yesterday.

Lot chose based on what he saw, and he ended up near Sodom one of the most destructive environments in Scripture. Literally one of the worst places ever mentioned in the bible. Do you think if Lot had asked God, God would have let him move there? I don’t think so. Do you think if he had married sight with vision, he would have made that blunder? Nope. Lot moved to a place that would soon make him lose everything, even what he had before he moved there. He couldn’t leave Sodom with any cow! How? This man just entered this place with so much , how is he leaving with nothing? Because many years prior, he made a choice by sight!

You have a good wife, very lovely lady who would do anything for you. Then you see one hot babe on social media, a baddie, you dm, you meet up then you lose your entire family and even worse what if she has a serpent spirit? You have not only lost your family, you have also inherited spirits. Why? You just saw. Lot had no idea that he was moving to a place that was Satans city. All he saw was a green plain. Just like all you’ve seen is a tall fine man. Have you prayed? No! Have you sought advise? No. All you did was see , jump up & down in excitement then made a choice. “OMG, he’s the one!”

Lot used only one set of eyes. He saw grass, but he didn’t see the corruption. He saw water, but he didn’t see wickedness. He saw opportunity, but he didn’t see the trap it would become for him. He saw comfort, but he didn’t see the cost. If there’s an Abraham you can ask, please ask. Ask the people who already live there. Ask those who have walked the path you’re about to take. Ask those who can see beyond the surface. And most importantly, enquire of the Lord. “No I won’t, I’m intelligent. I know what I’m doing.” Okay Mr Ai.

So you ask the Lord. “Should I pursue this? What does this decision look like for me in five years?” Lord, is this You or just my excitement?” God is not intimidated by your questions. I know some of us grew up hearing a gospel that says, “Don’t question God.” But I don’t believe that to be true. God has all the answers, so why wouldn’t you ask? “Lord, this opportunity I just got… should I take it? It looks like money.” It looks like something I desire. But LORD, what should I do?” That is also humility. Don’t assume that because something looks nice today, it will still look nice tomorrow. Looks change. People change. Opportunities change. But the good thing is, God does not change. He knows your yesterday, today, and tomorrow, all at once.

Let’s continue tomorrow. Remember , you need more than just your two eyes.

Don’t be a Lot.

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Hello family. It’s been two weeks since I last wrote here. I took some time to work through a bit of writer’s block, and honestly, I think I pushed myself really hard this year. Knowing my limits, I realised I needed to rest. I’m back now, and I hope you still like it here. Let’s pretend we took a trip and we’ve just returned home LOL or that we broke up for a moment and we’re now gently finding our way back to each other. How are you, my loved ones? Have you been well? How’s your heart and mind?

Genesis 13:10–12 (NLT)
“Lot looked around and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan toward Zoar was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, as far as you can see. So Lot chose for himself the whole Jordan Valley to the east of them. He went there with his flocks and servants and parted company with his uncle Abram. So Abram settled in the land of Canaan, and Lot moved his tents to a place near Sodom and settled among the cities of the plain.”

We are gonna have some very uncomfortable conversations here which I know will really help us if we are wary of offence and actually want to confront the elephant in the room together with every other rat. One of these things is, did l make the right choice or did I choose what was available and looking good? I wanna make an example of donuts because I loveeeee them. I always buy them at spar so when l get to the bakery side and see them all stacked there, I’m so happy! Even though l already know the taste of donuts , l get to choose which ones I wanna take home. I often go for the big, different flavour ones. They look good, they should taste good too right? Wrong.

Here is Lot, wealthy, comfortable, living a good life. He and Abraham reach a point where they have to make a choice to separate and go their own ways, just like some of you who find yourselves at that crossroad in relationships. To let go or to stay because “they will change,” or “they might stay like this forever.” The Bible says Lot is given the chance to choose where he wants to dwell, which shows us that God can guide you, but He won’t choose for you. So Lot looks around and says, “Oh, Uncle Abraham, I’ve found the perfect place, this looks beautiful, I love it!”

One of the most crucial things in life is the power of choice, because it ultimately shapes the direction of your life and forms your unique path. We even see this in the Garden of Eden, Eve looked at a fruit that seemed good, weighed her options, considered the benefits, and decided, “This one looks like it will make me wiser and give me things I never knew I needed, so I’ll take my chances.” Not only that, “l will also give to my Ozband who will also have to make a choice.” Every day, people make choices: what to eat, what to wear, what to post, who to marry, who to pursue, who to let go, which church to attend, whether to pray or sleep, whether to go to work or spend the day at a tavern. What I’m saying is that every single day you’re making a choice, whether intentionally or without even realising it. And I hope you know, not making a choice is also making a choice.

Lot first looked around and saw. Choice often begins with what we see. You see, and then you decide. Think Adam and Eve. Think Jacob and Rachel. The problem is that our eyes can influence us to make the wrong decisions. “But he’s cute, his body shaped like a godly giant,” but his heart may be cement. Or, “Eish, l just found a damsel in the Valley of Sorek, with hips that don’t lie, the ones Shakira sang about,” but she has one scissors in her drawer she might soon use on you. Looks can deceive. What we see is not always the true state of things.

You want to worship a god/ God you can see? Well sweetheart, the Only True God is Spirit, you can’t see Him. I think let’s stay here for today. Seeing well means perceiving both the natural and the spiritual picture of things. Have you seen? Have you seen well? You don’t just look at a fruit and conclude; you consider the spiritual implications behind it. Is this an ordinary fruit? No. What makes it different? Oh God said ABC about it. Do I want to face the implications of choosing to eat it? Yes/No. The that automatically alters your destiny for the good or for the fall.

People have different ways of interpreting choice. Some say, “Choose yourself.” Others say, “Choose whoever chooses you.” But what if you’re chosen by the wrong person? Some say, “Choose the best.” But according to whose standards? Some say, “Choose the best-selling brand.” Even the top mayonnaise company has expiry dates, which shows us that they are also not the best forever.

So what truly informs choice? It’s your vision in the natural combined with your insight in the spiritual. When you marry the two, you can make decisions wisely.

Vanessa Ziyambi

Let’s continue tomorrow. Bring your friends and tell them that reading is profitable. If you’d like to support my platform, click the link below. You’ll also find counselling slots, book one if you need it, or refer someone who does. Remember, even today, you have many choices to make. You chose to read this, well done.

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How would the world look if people were both takers and givers? If the world found balance between giving and taking… If the takers didn’t take advantage of the givers, and the givers didn’t look down or lord over the takers? Imagine a world where both understood that life flows best in mutual exchange where generosity meets gratitude, and receiving is not greed but humility. If you haven’t read Part 1, please scroll to the bottom of the page for context and understanding. Welcome to The Yielded Blogs. We love ❤️ and laugh here😂

I’ve made an example of my mother before if you still recall. I grew up in a big family. Both my maternal and paternal families are large, full of people with different personalities, different pockets, and different lifestyles. My mother and other people were uniquely standing out, particularly because of kindness. I mentioned the size of my families intentionally because this woman was kind to many people.

I watched her closely. I observed the exchange, and I noticed a strange pattern. The takers would take and disappear. Then, after a while, they would come back, take again, and disappear once more. Sometimes it took a year before they reappeared only to take again. And then I looked at the giver she was perfectly fine with it. I thought that was very sad.

Then I grew up and realised it’s not unusual to see such situations. It happens everywhere even in the church. The servants of God will labour and labour, yet nobody thinks to send a simple thank you card. You could break a bone feeding a family, and your spouse may never cook you a single meal as a gesture of gratitude. People have normalised selfishness to the point where they feel entitled to your service, your money, and your time. Do you know that we treat God the same way?

A generation of takers only remembers one part of the Lord’s Prayer “Give us this day our daily bread.” When the prayers are about money, food, or marriage, the room is full and the voices are loud. But when it’s time to pray about the Kingdom, people suddenly have exams, meetings, and urgent errands. We take from God daily, His mercy, His breath, His provision yet we still argue about tithe, debate offerings, and refuse to give Him our time. The Giver keeps giving. The taker keeps taking. Again, l find it to be very sad.

Oh, but there’s a paradox to it. There are takers who genuinely want to give back once in a while, but the givers refuse to receive. Some people believe they are only meant to give and never to take. I can relate to that. You give and give and give until the day someone tries to return the gesture, no matter how small, and suddenly you feel uncomfortable. You reject the gift, thinking it’s humility, but it’s not. That, too, is imbalance.

Why? Because life was designed to flow both ways. Giving and receiving are both acts that keep relationships alive and healthy. When the flow stops, frustration starts, the kind that comes from always pouring out and never being poured into. God never drops blessings directly from the sky. He delivers them to your doorstep through people. Sometimes, someone just wants to love you, appreciate you, or bless you in a small way. Receive it. It’s ironic, the same generosity that blesses others can, when closed off to receiving, turn into quiet pride, exhaustion, or loneliness. True humility isn’t just in giving it’s also in being willing to receive with grace. Because when you receive, you give someone else the joy of giving. You turn a taker into a giver.

Now, in practical terms, how many people have you been a blessing to this year? In your friendships? Your family? Your church? Your community? How many people can truly say you became a blessing to them? Maybe to go a step further, what did you do. Think about it. Really think about it.

And how many people blessed you? You might be tempted to say nobody, but that’s not true. Maybe it was someone who spoke a word of encouragement when they could’ve let you cry alone. Maybe it was your parents, your friend, or even a stranger. What I want you to do is to learn the flow of relationships , giving and receiving that creates a healthy environment for love to thrive.

It’s almost Christmas, prepare a gift for someone. I always encourage those in MPG: prepare a gift for your parents, no matter how small. Send that thank you message. Tell God thank you! And if there’s a need in your church maybe there are no brooms, no flowers, or something simple that’s missing , buy it. Remember, we are learning to give and take, take and give. That’s how the cycle of blessing stays alive.

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Luke 6:38 NIV

Okayyy, here’s the mirror.

Who is this person who is so powerful? When you stand in front of the mirror, who do you see? Is it normal or even possible to stand there and see another person? Another man or woman? No. The mirror reflects what is before it, and to a degree, what’s in the corners depending on where it’s placed and how big it is. It is true that the mirror only reflects what stands before it. It shows what’s really there , not who you wish to be or who others think you are. Welcome to Reflection Friday.

If someone who desires a body shaped like a number 8 stands in front of a mirror, knowing very well they are a size 10, yet expects the mirror to show what they wish to see instead of the truth, that person is not so smart. You get angry that the weight isn’t going down when you’re not doing anything about it? Or expect someone to compliment a lie? Think of the times we’ve lied to ourselves, trying to change the image we saw in our reflection. Anyone who refuses to believe their own reflection is either mentally unstable or simply ignorant.

Why do people go to the gym? Why do they spend time and money just to achieve a certain shape? It’s because of something they saw in the mirror that they didn’t like. Guess what? You can change what you don’t like , you just have to choose to. I spent my morning listening to different speakers from across the globe at a summit. Why? Why stress myself? Because I want to change my understanding. Why? Because I am not satisfied with the level of illumination I currently have. This means embracing discomfort, losing sleep sometimes, and pushing through the hard parts because change is difficult, but most times, it’s necessary.

Before you blame companies for not hiring you, ask yourself what level of competence do you have? Even heaven has a standard for workers. Scripture says that if you put your hand to the plough and look back, you’re not fit for the Kingdom. There’s a fitness requirement. There’s a level of readiness expected. It’s the same in every aspect of life. I learned a painful fact, if you’re not what they want, they have a right to reject you.

“They must like me. I have potential.” Baby, people don’t believe in potential anymore , they want to see results. You look in the mirror and discover your skin is dry and patchy, yet you expect people not to notice? They will. They have eyes. The only real change comes from you.

I’ll continue this particular blog next week because there’s more we need to unpack. Why should an investor invest in your business? Because you prayed? Yes, prayer is powerful but if you think that’s all it takes, then you haven’t read your Bible carefully. Why should someone propose to you? Because you have a good heart, but you’re always untidy? Think again and think McCain.

All I’m saying is, you have what it takes to change. The person in the mirror deserves it. Give it to them. And when you do, proudly clap your hands for them. Every effort counts. See you on Monday.

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Hey family! Welcome to Habits to Unlearn – Part 2.

Let’s talk about comparison one of the habits we often carry without even noticing.You walk into a room, and suddenly you feel out of place. Everyone seems “successful,” polished, experienced and you? You’re just getting started. Without even realizing it, your inner voice kicks in: “What am I even doing here? They’re better than me. I don’t belong.”

And just like that, you fold. Your posture changes. Here’s the truth: low self-esteem is loud, but so is confidence. People can read it. In how you speak. How you show up. How you carry yourself. Your body language. Your stature.

They say comparison is the thief of joy. But it’s also the seed of destruction. Don’t believe me? Let’s go back to the Bible. Cain compared himself to Abel instead of learning from him and look what happened. Cain looked at his brother’s offering and thought, “It should’ve been me.” He felt rejected. Not good enough. Instead of learning, he compared, and that comparison led to jealousy, and jealousy led to murder. And in the end? Cain became a vagabond wandering, lost, carrying the weight of a choice born from comparison.

That’s what comparison does it pulls you out of purpose and pushes you into places you were never meant to be. Let’s bring it to today. You’re comparing yourself to someone with 10 years’ experience, trying to match their results after 10 months. You put yourself on a scale with someone who started before you and wonder why you’re “behind.” Even someone who started yesterday has a 24-hour advantage over you. And I won’t even start on marriage. Actually, wait let me start.

You’ve been a “good girl.” A solid young man. You’ve kept yourself, made good choices or at least tried. And yet… you’re still waiting. Meanwhile, you see others maybe not as “good” as you getting married, settling down, posting picture-perfect moments. And deep down, it pains you. Then the comparison starts: You look at your ex’s new girlfriend and think, “What did he see in her that he didn’t see in me?”

You spend 24 hours on her social media, zooming in on photos, checking her captions, scrolling through her friends list hoping to crack some invisible code.And that’s where the self-doubt creeps in. You begin to ask questions like: “What does she have that I don’t? What am I missing?” Let me tell you, you’ve already started comparing, and it’s quietly stealing your joy. You are you. She’s not you. He’s not you. I’m not you. And you’re not me. You’re not them. There’s peace in embracing that. There’s rest in accepting God’s unique plan for your life , not resenting someone else’s because I’m so sure comparison is a seed of jealousy.

Not everyone will have a degree and the earlier you accept this, the better. Now, am I saying drop out of school? Absolutely not. But I’m speaking to reality. Not everyone’s path will follow the same script. Some people won’t graduate and still, God will open doors for them. You don’t come from a rich family accept it. You who’s rich should never look down on someone as well. You’re not better, you’re privileged to get better opportunities.

Stop trying to dress like the rich man’s son when your story is still unfolding. Wear your own shoes with confidence. Not everyone will have the number 8 shape. And guess what? The shape you have is perfect for you. Fearfully and wonderfully made, others have seen doctors to look how they look. Not everyone will get results in 5 yearsYours might come in 6. Or 10. Relax and according to your own season.

Not every woman will have two or more children. Some have one. Some have none. That doesn’t make the next woman better than you. The man driving a Bentley is not automatically better than the one driving a Toyota. You don’t know how he got there. Some people you’re comparing yourself to? They joined cults. They made deals in secret. They sold their bodies. And here you are, trying to match them with clean hands and a pure heart. That’s not just comparison that’s injustice to your own process. Trust your pace. God is not late You’re the one in a hurry.

UNLEARN THIS HABIT.

See you tomorrow 💕