Umhhh , it’s gonna be long 🙈 Many of us have had the desire to fit into something we probably knew wasn’t meant for us. We tried repeatedly to fit into relationships, friendships and spaces that were never truly meant for us. The process became exhausting because of how much effort we invested in trying to belong. Think back to primary & highschool, maybe even uni, when all you wanted was to be accepted by a particular group of friends, yet somehow, you never quite fit in. Perhaps it simply wasn’t your cup of tea or theirs.
As we grow older, we sometimes find ourselves repeating the same pattern, trying to fit into environments that are neither suitable nor sustainable for our purpose and calling. We keep adjusting ourselves, compromising and making unnecessary efforts just to feel like we belong. Sometimes, we become so consumed by the desire to be accepted that we fail to recognise how much of ourselves we are losing in the process.
I suppose this happens because acceptance is a fundamental human desire. Every human being wants to feel accepted. We want to be embraced by our families, particularly our parents. We want to be accepted by our friends, seen by those around us and loved by our partners. Consequently, when we don’t experience that acceptance, we may find ourselves repeatedly bruising ourselves emotionally in an attempt to fit into different spaces.
One of the reasons we struggle to fit in is that perhaps the people are simply not meant for us. Maybe those individuals are not genuine friends. Perhaps that isn’t the person you are supposed to build a life with. It could also be that the environment cannot accommodate or sustain your calling, purpose, gifts, talents and abilities. God knows that opening certain doors would not necessarily be beneficial to us. Some spaces may not even provide the freedom we need to fully express who we are and what He has placed within us.
However, I would also like us to consider another perspective. Sometimes, we struggle to fit into certain spaces because we are not yet the version of ourselves required to occupy them. We rarely consider this side of the conversation. More often, we focus on the possibility that people are rejecting us or that the enemy is manipulating situations against us. While I certainly don’t want us to be ignorant of the enemy’s devices, I also believe it is important to examine the other side of the situation.
What if you are not fitting into that space because the space is simply too big for you at this particular point in your life? What if you don’t fit into that shoe because the shoe is too big? Perhaps the issue isn’t always rejection, misalignment or the people around you. Sometimes, there is growth required on your part before you can comfortably occupy certain spaces. Not every door that remains closed is an indication that you are unwanted. Sometimes, it is an invitation to grow into the person who can responsibly carry what lies on the other side.
The story of Cinderella is a fairy tale. We know that these things never really happened, but I think there are valuable lessons we can draw from the story. Beyond the romance and the happily-ever-after ending, there is something about Cinderella’s story that speaks to how God can transform a person’s life. It also reminds us that God sees abuse, even when the people around us fail to recognise it. Of course, the story uses a fairy godmother, and as Christians, we don’t believe in fairy godmothers, goddesses or those ideas. Nevertheless, we can look beyond those things and consider the lessons within the story.
In the story, Cinderella loses a glass slipper, and the prince sends people across the city to find the woman whose foot fits into it. The shoe is tried on by several women, but none of them can wear it. You cannot tell me that, in an entire city, there wasn’t another woman with the same shoe size! Size4 maybe? There’s many of those lol. Surely, there must have been a few ladies who wore the same size as Cinderella. Even her stepsisters tried the shoe, but they couldn’t fit into it. That shoe was made for Cinderella’s foot, and she was the only one who could wear it. Custom made!
However, I think the story goes beyond a woman finding a shoe that fits. The shoe was the key to something much bigger, marriage to the prince and eventually becoming a queen. Think about it. If another woman had successfully worn that shoe, she could have occupied the position that was meant for Cinderella. The shoe represented access to a particular destination, and that destination was part of Cinderella’s story. She didn’t just fit into a shoe; she fitted into the position that the shoe would lead her to. This is something we need to understand about relationships, friendships and the spaces we desire to occupy.
Sometimes, you don’t fit into a particular relationship because that relationship is connected to a destiny that is not yours. Perhaps that relationship is going to lead somewhere significant, something that will have an impact beyond what you can currently see. Your purpose may be entirely different. There are journeys that lead to becoming a queen, but not everyone is called to that particular journey. We often call ourselves queens, and there is nothing wrong with recognising our worth. However, there is a difference between calling yourself a queen and actually occupying the position of one. We can all use the title, but not everyone lives the life or carries the responsibilities of someone who sits on a throne.
Sometimes, who you are simply does not fit into a particular man’s life. Who you are may not fit into a particular woman’s life. You may not be suited to that relationship or that environment, and you need to understand that. Consider royalty, for instance. There are certain spaces members of a royal household would not go to , because of their position, the standards, responsibilities and societal expectations. A Queen in a tarvern? Khohlwa . They don’t just go anywhere and everywhere. Invite them to your house let’s see.
This is one of the things that has helped me maintain my peace when it comes to losing people. I’ve lost people eh, by the way, sometimes over the silliest reasons. There are situations I know could have been resolved if both parties were willing to work through them. When that happens, particularly in the context of relationships, I allow the relationship to end. I don’t always fight to keep people. I have come to appreciate the possibility that perhaps we are not part of each other’s destiny, and that is okay.
This does not mean I don’t fight for relationships completely . When I discern that a relationship is worth preserving and that we are meant to journey together, I am willing to put in the work. However, I have also learnt to recognise the relationships I don’t need to fight for. Sometimes, I don’t fit into someone’s life because they are going in a direction that is different from mine. At other times, someone may not fit into my life because I am going in a direction that is different from theirs. It doesn’t always have to mean that someone is a bad person or that someone has failed. I will cry but goodbye.
Sometimes, our journeys are simply different, and there is peace in acknowledging that.We must learn to let go of the desire to fit into spaces that were never meant for us. That constant need to be accepted, chosen and accommodated can eventually become an obsession. You can spend years trying to convince people to make room for you, trying to prove your worth and adjusting yourself to meet expectations that were never yours to carry. In the process, you risk losing yourself. Just because a shoe is beautiful doesn’t mean it is yours. Just because a door is open doesn’t mean you are meant to walk through it.
Learn to recognise where you belong, and have the courage to walk away from places where you are constantly forcing yourself to fit. What if that shoe is a Cinderella shoe & your name is Anesu? Or Amaka? You could be trying on a shoe that will give you blisters or a shoe that’s too big for you. What if your obsession to enter that space is going to keep you smaller than your actual destiny? Or not custom made for you? I’ve so much to say but let me not take more of your time than I’ve already done . I love you. See you on Monday. ❤️
If you read my blogs but have never met this Wonderful Jesus that I’m always writing about, you’d love to get to know Him, Or you know The Lord but have found yourself drifting far from Him, I would love to talk with you. Please send me an email on yieldedcwcenter@gmail.com or simply comment, and I will reach out to you
