Category: Dealing with self

“So listen to me, you young men. You’d better take my words seriously! Control your sexual urges and guard your hearts against lust. Don’t let your passions get out of hand and don’t lock your eyes onto a beautiful woman. Why would you want to even get close to temptation and seduction, to have an affair with her? She has pierced the souls of multitudes of men— many mighty ones have fallen and have been brought down by her.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭7‬:‭24‬-‭26‬ ‭TPT‬‬

A significant number of statistics highlight the extent to which people consume sexual content daily from children to adults. A child who understands how to navigate the internet can easily fall prey to explicit videos and images. Teenagers are drowning in pornography like stones sinking into deep waters. Adults, on the other hand, can take their cravings further by acting them out. And while children may not have the opportunity to engage in sexual encounters, adults often can. Even within the church, many people are battling these issues in silence. The question then becomes. How do we address this problem effectively?

By God’s grace, several people have opened up to me about this struggle, and I can tell you many of them are exhausted. I often hear, “I’ve tried everything… Are you sure people can actually live a sexually pure life?”

My answer is simple: Yes, it is absolutely possible.

The world will insist that sexual purity is unrealistic or unattainable. I recently came across an article where a lady claimed she challenged herself to masturbate daily “for scientific discovery.” But we know that what she engaged in was not scientific exploration it was a deeply spiritual activity. She just wasn’t aware and that’s how the devil likes it, you not knowing the effects of what you’re doing. And she didn’t just discover “science”; she opened the door to spiritual darkness. I believe there is a reason I am focusing on this topic this week. Someone needs help, and they will receive it but through knowledge.

According to the book of Proverbs, sexual desire can be controlled that is what Scripture calls self-control. Why is this important? Because when you allow your desires to rule you, you begin digging an early grave for yourself. Many lives have been destroyed simply because people connected themselves to the wrong individuals.

The world has become so spiritually distorted and messsssed up that people don’t even realise they are lying with serpents entering dangerous, demonic, or soul-draining bonds without knowing it. That is why Proverbs warns us clearly, “Do not let your passions run wild. If you do, your soul will be pierced.”

Even the mighty have fallen in this area. The text reminds us not to say, “I am strong; I can never fall.” King David, a man after God’s own heart, a warrior, a leader, anointed and chosen , still fell. If such a man could be brought down by unrestrained desire, then none of us are automatically exempt. We must remain alert, disciplined, and submitted to the Spirit.

I’ve heard many people say they are “celibate,” yet they still engage in masturbation. But listen family, there is no Scripture that calls us to celibacy. None. Why? Because celibacy, as a concept, allows loopholes. It creates space for exceptions. It can make you believe you are fine as long as you’re not engaging with another person and that, right there, is the enemy’s strategy. Scripture does not command us to be celibate; it commands us to be holy.

It calls us to stay away from all forms of sexual impurity whether involving another person or not. So yes, here is the answer to a question you didn’t ask lol, you are not called to celibacy; you are called to holiness. Solomon warns us not even to go near the paths of seduction and temptation. That is where many people stumble. They rely on their own strength , the same strength that has failed them repeatedly. If your strength has not kept you pure all year, then why are you still refusing to set boundaries?

Holiness requires intentionality. It requires distance from triggers, not confidence in broken self-discipline. The issue is not desire alone it is the refusal to guard yourself. So just as a driver must control the steering wheel, you must control your desires. You would never allow a car to move without steering, because the steering determines the direction of the vehicle. If you turn it toward Alberton, that’s exactly where you will end up. If you fail to control it, you risk an accident and those accidents are the very things many of us keep repenting for. The same thing you’re sorry for on Monday , I’m telling you for free, you will be sorry for it again on Friday IF you don’t practise self control.

But I am saying to you, there is a way out, and it begins with the desire to discipline yourself. Proverbs warns us not to let our passions get out of hand. If you do, you will fall. Your “steering” must be directed toward holiness. If not, you will eventually collide with something destructive and you never know whether there will be anyone available to help you recover, or whether you’ll remain stuck there for a long time. Of which many are stuck in something they started at 18. It’s been yearsssss, that’s what the devil wants!

I’m using this metaphor so you can understand that lack of control leads to danger. If you ignore boundaries, you’ll drive through the red lights and the “red robot” is the Holy Spirit saying, Stop right there. But if things get too out of hand, you may not even hear His warning anymore. You’ll drive straight into a ditch, and the truth is, ditches are lonely places. Just like many of you are struggling quietly with no one to talk to. You don’t have to tell me. I’m simply giving you a way out. If this applies to you, take it and use it.

Today I came to tell you to get your hands back on the steering wheel. If you truly listen to everything I will share here, you will come out of this. But you must read to understand not just to add yourself to my reader statistics. I don’t want numbers; I want transformation. I want you to gain the knowledge that empowers real change. We are journeying through the book of Proverbs, and we will stay here for a while, so invite someone who needs this.

Remember what Apostle Paul says: “Flee from every appearance of evil.” So take this step with me today, go and delete that website, block it completely. Something in you will whisper, “Just one last time.” NO! The last time was already the last time. Are you serious about change or not? I’m not here to negotiate with you about deleting it , I am telling you to. Your life, your purity, your destiny are on the line. I cannot afford to soften the tone. Sometimes we need to hear the truth as hard as it is.

See you tomorrow.

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We’ve really come to the end of the year, and I’m already excited about the Choice Biscuits I get to enjoy with my niece we don’t share them with many people o! I’m also excited about the new; I’m always looking forward to it. New clothes, new hair, a new pair of shoes, a new house, a new season… just get me out of the old quickly, lol. Happy Monday and happy new week!

Last week we spoke about a man called Lot, and I’ll wrap that up today so we can continue our study on Proverbs. Do you know why Abraham and Lot separated? Because of their servants there were constant fights over the livestock, and since both men were wealthy, managing their possessions separately became difficult. Those conflicts eventually pushed Abraham and Lot to say, “You know what? Let’s part ways.” But when Lot looked out and saw a beautiful plain, he didn’t enquire of God; he made a major life decision simply because something looked “good.” Some people still make impulsive decisions like that today. I was talking to one of my mamaas over the weekend and she said, “Baby, whatever you do, never rush something like this. Take your time. What you may have missed, let God show you.” And I thought, oh yeah, she’s really onto something. Did God speak or are you just in a hurry to move?

I’m going to be frank with you guys. You don’t rush into marriage just because lust is pushing your destiny, and you don’t move to another country without asking God first. Do you know why Abraham left his home? Because God told him to. GOD SAID SO. “But there are greener pastures.” You might not even have a pasture there in the first place. I’m not over-spiritualising this, scripture is simply a clear guide for how to live: what to do, and when to do it. I always tell the people around me that I’m not a copy and paste person. I’m a single edition God created with a specific plan. Your plans for me are too complicated and messy for me to trust. I follow God’s plan. “Oh, but you’d do well in Germany.” Maybe you’re right, maybe I actually would or could, but did God say so? Or do we expect God to show up in Germany after we completely cut Him out of the decision to move there? We want God to join our plans, but that’s the opposite of Jeremiah 29:11. Who holds the plans? God. So why are you trying to move with two different plans?

Last year taught me a lot you know, life has a way of coming back to test whether you truly learned from your previous season. You’ll be shocked to find yourself fighting the same battle from last year, just in a different context. Like how Indian movies are. Different title but two people will fall in love and they will have issues but they will dance. One thing I learned is this: without God, I’m not doing anything. I have no decision until God has decided for me. You had a vision of me in Dubai? That’s lovely but I’ll wait until God tells me Himself. Imagine my parents needing to speak to me but choosing to tell the neighbours instead. You’re like “But we’re in the same house Dad!” That’s you and Holy Spirit in the same body. Does that make sense? I’m not dismissing any prophetic word I’ve received please read this part VERY carefully. I’m saying you must hear God for yourself too.

Someone once told me that God said he should marry me by the 10th of March… or April, I don’t even remember. But many of you can already see that was his own desire wrapped in a “conviction” that still came from that desire. So what do you do, Lot? You see the plain, it’s beautiful, and the future there looks promising but like David, you go back to God and ask, “Should I pursue?” Remember, David’s wives had been captured. Anyone else would have said, “David, why are you asking God? Run after them man, it’s your wives and children! Don’t over-spiritualise this. Use logic! You people want to always be praying about everything! If l were you, I’d have already caught up with them.” Some would even mock him for calling Abiathar with the ephod for something so personal. Something logic can answer. But David still asked God. Because even when something looks like a good decision logically, you don’t want just a good decision you want a godly one. Be careful of this logic logic thing. Logic can give a good decision but good decisions can have bad results too. A godly one? Never.

So Lot finds himself paying the price for a decision that seemed good. The cities were burned with sulphur. Guess what he lost? All the possessions that made him move in the first place, the servants, his wife. He only came out with two daughters, who later became a seed of abomination. And let me be clear: Lot was a good man. He feared God. He never participated in the evil of that city. He upheld godly standards , scripture even shows that he tried to stop the men of Sodom from entering his house to commit an abominable act and was willing to offer his children to protect righteousness. He was not a bad man, he was a good man who made a good, logical decision. I mean, why wouldn’t anyone move to the USA? It’s a good place; you might not even become bad there. But a day of paying for misalignment can come.

Misalignment has consequences big and small. For Lot, it was huge. For Jonah? Not so much he only lost some ticket money and peace for a little while.And if you’ve already made a decision without consulting God, there’s still a way out. Remember, all things work together for your good. Ask Him, “Lord, in this situation, what do I do?” Repent for ever trying to act without Him while still claiming Him as your Lord. That’s exactly what Jonah did in Jonah 3, he repented and was led to the right shore.

So what decision are you facing? Are people telling you to pursue something because your “children” have been taken? Or because logically, it seems like a great investment that could bring 5 million? Maybe their calculations are right but have you given God a chance to speak? Oh, He hasn’t answered in a week? I heard a great man of God say this over the weekend.

Ask God. If He hasn’t said anything, He has something to say it’s just not yet time. Wait. Stay put. Don’t move. Don’t become impatient. Stay still. If there’s no response yet, don’t assume it means go ahead. It may mean just wait. So do just that, wait.”

PDL

And that’s all I have for you today. God knows what to do with your life , give Him a chance. Anyone who tries to move you out of alignment is not a destiny helper; they’re a destiny destroyer, even if they don’t realise it. Thank GOD FOR GOD! Thank God for His plans! As Jeremiah 29:11-12 (NLT) reminds us:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen.”

GIVE GOD A CHANCE!

This season, many people find themselves feeling restless. It’s a time when we pause for self-reflection, revisit our vision boards of the year and understandably, that can shake us up. But does it really have to be this way every year?

Have we simply accepted that each festive season, while we celebrate on the outside, we’re disappointed, dissatisfied, and discouraged on the inside? We eat, laugh, and enjoy the moment, yet deep down many adults feel anxious, one year older, yet like Joshua, still facing the “much land yet to be possessed,” anxiety. Is this truly meant to be the experience of God’s people, or have we embraced a worldly pattern without even noticing? And more importantly, does it have to be the same story every year?

I woke up with this on my heart today: I don’t want festive-season anxiety anymore. I don’t want to keep repeating this same pattern year after year. Does it mean everything in my life is perfect right now? No. But I do want to experience real peace and bliss during this time of the year. As I was thinking about this, I was led to Proverbs 4:25–27 (NLT). Let’s read it together.

“Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; stay on the safe path. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4‬:‭25‬-‭27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Look straight ahead.” But I’m like, “Lord, all I see are my unsolved problems, JESUS!”

Yet the Scripture reminds me that it’s easy to get sidetracked when we focus on anything other than the vision that still needs to be fulfilled. It’s tempting to say, “I’m not seeing any results… maybe I should just follow the world’s way so I at least have something to show my family.” Family pressure is real.

And while our families genuinely want us to prosper, the truth is that family can also be one of the biggest sources of anxiety, depression, hopelessness and even suicide. I’m telling you the gospel truth. Sometimes their expectations even when they come from a loving place collide with a person who’s already frustrated, and that’s people get sidetracked and thrown off. So this season, may your words, your opinions, and your comments never sidetrack anyone.

So while we reflect on what we didn’t accomplish this year, we must also mark out a straight path for our feet. What does that mean? It means we intentionally clear out the distractions so that as we run into 2026, nothing that tripped us up in 2025 will have the power to trip us again. Stick to the path and stay safe.

Don’t drift into another purpose, another lifestyle, or another identity simply because the pressure feels heavy. Stay with what God told you. The truth is, there is still much land to conquer, so much we haven’t done, and so much still ahead. But sitting in anxiety won’t get us there. Focus will. And for some people, this focus may look different. While others are resting, you, the one who knows how tight your shoes are, might need to be working.

“Oh, but I’m tired.”

Yes… but you’re tired and without results. So stay on the path. Don’t get sidetracked. Don’t let anything cause you to repeat a 2025 mistake in 2026.But above all else, remember this: Be anxious for nothing, the year is not over. Who told you God is done? Rest your ever-anxiously racing heart!❤️

It’s worship Wednesday! Go on and bless the Name of the Lord! So much can still happen in the next three weeks! Congratulations !🥳

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One day I had a conversation with someone, and they told me they had intentions to marry me. I said, “Oh wow, what a wow! This is sweet news mos. Let everyone get their tailors ready.” But then I began to ask questions. As the person responded, it became clear that with what I now knew, I could not make that choice. If I genuinely love myself, then based on the information I received, I could not decide to spend the rest of my life with this person. That reminded me of something important:

You must be informed before you make any choice.

It is dangerous to choose something or someone simply because you feel something, or because your friends want it for you. Many people have invested in things without being informed, no background check, no prayer, no reflection. They just heard the word “money” and threw their savings away. Before you decide anything in life, marriage, business, friendships, opportunities, relocation, you need information.

Ask questions. Seek wisdom. Pray. Think.So before you say you are “head over heels in love,” pause and ask yourself, Who is this person? What am I choosing? And do I truly know what I’m committing to? Wisdom is not found in excitement; it is found in understanding. Back to the story of Lot. Lot is about to separate from Abraham, and the Bible says he looked and saw a beautiful plain. The land looked perfect, green, watered, flourishing. It looked like the ideal place to relocate, the perfect environment to settle in. And what did Lot do? He made the decision instantly.

“I am relocating to this plain. It’s green, there’s water, and there’s no sign of famine or spoil.” But notice something, the Bible never mentions that Lot made any spiritual enquiry. He didn’t pray.He didn’t seek guidance. He didn’t even ask Abraham. He didn’t ask God. He saw and he moved. So what truly informs choice? It’s your vision in the natural combined with your insight in the spiritual. When you marry the two, you can make decisions wisely. This was our conclusion yesterday.

Lot chose based on what he saw, and he ended up near Sodom one of the most destructive environments in Scripture. Literally one of the worst places ever mentioned in the bible. Do you think if Lot had asked God, God would have let him move there? I don’t think so. Do you think if he had married sight with vision, he would have made that blunder? Nope. Lot moved to a place that would soon make him lose everything, even what he had before he moved there. He couldn’t leave Sodom with any cow! How? This man just entered this place with so much , how is he leaving with nothing? Because many years prior, he made a choice by sight!

You have a good wife, very lovely lady who would do anything for you. Then you see one hot babe on social media, a baddie, you dm, you meet up then you lose your entire family and even worse what if she has a serpent spirit? You have not only lost your family, you have also inherited spirits. Why? You just saw. Lot had no idea that he was moving to a place that was Satans city. All he saw was a green plain. Just like all you’ve seen is a tall fine man. Have you prayed? No! Have you sought advise? No. All you did was see , jump up & down in excitement then made a choice. “OMG, he’s the one!”

Lot used only one set of eyes. He saw grass, but he didn’t see the corruption. He saw water, but he didn’t see wickedness. He saw opportunity, but he didn’t see the trap it would become for him. He saw comfort, but he didn’t see the cost. If there’s an Abraham you can ask, please ask. Ask the people who already live there. Ask those who have walked the path you’re about to take. Ask those who can see beyond the surface. And most importantly, enquire of the Lord. “No I won’t, I’m intelligent. I know what I’m doing.” Okay Mr Ai.

So you ask the Lord. “Should I pursue this? What does this decision look like for me in five years?” Lord, is this You or just my excitement?” God is not intimidated by your questions. I know some of us grew up hearing a gospel that says, “Don’t question God.” But I don’t believe that to be true. God has all the answers, so why wouldn’t you ask? “Lord, this opportunity I just got… should I take it? It looks like money.” It looks like something I desire. But LORD, what should I do?” That is also humility. Don’t assume that because something looks nice today, it will still look nice tomorrow. Looks change. People change. Opportunities change. But the good thing is, God does not change. He knows your yesterday, today, and tomorrow, all at once.

Let’s continue tomorrow. Remember , you need more than just your two eyes.

Don’t be a Lot.

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Hello family. It’s been two weeks since I last wrote here. I took some time to work through a bit of writer’s block, and honestly, I think I pushed myself really hard this year. Knowing my limits, I realised I needed to rest. I’m back now, and I hope you still like it here. Let’s pretend we took a trip and we’ve just returned home LOL or that we broke up for a moment and we’re now gently finding our way back to each other. How are you, my loved ones? Have you been well? How’s your heart and mind?

Genesis 13:10–12 (NLT)
“Lot looked around and saw that the whole plain of the Jordan toward Zoar was well watered, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, as far as you can see. So Lot chose for himself the whole Jordan Valley to the east of them. He went there with his flocks and servants and parted company with his uncle Abram. So Abram settled in the land of Canaan, and Lot moved his tents to a place near Sodom and settled among the cities of the plain.”

We are gonna have some very uncomfortable conversations here which I know will really help us if we are wary of offence and actually want to confront the elephant in the room together with every other rat. One of these things is, did l make the right choice or did I choose what was available and looking good? I wanna make an example of donuts because I loveeeee them. I always buy them at spar so when l get to the bakery side and see them all stacked there, I’m so happy! Even though l already know the taste of donuts , l get to choose which ones I wanna take home. I often go for the big, different flavour ones. They look good, they should taste good too right? Wrong.

Here is Lot, wealthy, comfortable, living a good life. He and Abraham reach a point where they have to make a choice to separate and go their own ways, just like some of you who find yourselves at that crossroad in relationships. To let go or to stay because “they will change,” or “they might stay like this forever.” The Bible says Lot is given the chance to choose where he wants to dwell, which shows us that God can guide you, but He won’t choose for you. So Lot looks around and says, “Oh, Uncle Abraham, I’ve found the perfect place, this looks beautiful, I love it!”

One of the most crucial things in life is the power of choice, because it ultimately shapes the direction of your life and forms your unique path. We even see this in the Garden of Eden, Eve looked at a fruit that seemed good, weighed her options, considered the benefits, and decided, “This one looks like it will make me wiser and give me things I never knew I needed, so I’ll take my chances.” Not only that, “l will also give to my Ozband who will also have to make a choice.” Every day, people make choices: what to eat, what to wear, what to post, who to marry, who to pursue, who to let go, which church to attend, whether to pray or sleep, whether to go to work or spend the day at a tavern. What I’m saying is that every single day you’re making a choice, whether intentionally or without even realising it. And I hope you know, not making a choice is also making a choice.

Lot first looked around and saw. Choice often begins with what we see. You see, and then you decide. Think Adam and Eve. Think Jacob and Rachel. The problem is that our eyes can influence us to make the wrong decisions. “But he’s cute, his body shaped like a godly giant,” but his heart may be cement. Or, “Eish, l just found a damsel in the Valley of Sorek, with hips that don’t lie, the ones Shakira sang about,” but she has one scissors in her drawer she might soon use on you. Looks can deceive. What we see is not always the true state of things.

You want to worship a god/ God you can see? Well sweetheart, the Only True God is Spirit, you can’t see Him. I think let’s stay here for today. Seeing well means perceiving both the natural and the spiritual picture of things. Have you seen? Have you seen well? You don’t just look at a fruit and conclude; you consider the spiritual implications behind it. Is this an ordinary fruit? No. What makes it different? Oh God said ABC about it. Do I want to face the implications of choosing to eat it? Yes/No. The that automatically alters your destiny for the good or for the fall.

People have different ways of interpreting choice. Some say, “Choose yourself.” Others say, “Choose whoever chooses you.” But what if you’re chosen by the wrong person? Some say, “Choose the best.” But according to whose standards? Some say, “Choose the best-selling brand.” Even the top mayonnaise company has expiry dates, which shows us that they are also not the best forever.

So what truly informs choice? It’s your vision in the natural combined with your insight in the spiritual. When you marry the two, you can make decisions wisely.

Vanessa Ziyambi

Let’s continue tomorrow. Bring your friends and tell them that reading is profitable. If you’d like to support my platform, click the link below. You’ll also find counselling slots, book one if you need it, or refer someone who does. Remember, even today, you have many choices to make. You chose to read this, well done.

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