yielded

Cont :Interview with Oboitshepo Tladi

Hello family. My apologies for posting late today. Today we’re continuing with our Journey to Purity Interview with Sistwr Oboitshepo Tladi . Since it’s chilled Thursday , you can get your coffee/tea and let’s learn together!

11. How do you stay encouraged and motivated in your commitment, especially during difficult times?

I remind myself that God’s will is always the safest place to be! So I would rather face difficulty while being in the will of God- then face difficulty outside of the will of God.

12. Are there any misconceptions about purity that you would like to address?

Purity is not about suppressing or ignoring sexual desires – it is about redirecting them and using that energy to honour God. It’s about recognising that the Lord has given you the gift of your body and the desires that come with it. These desires are not inherently evil, so I tend to remind myself that what my body feels is not the sin, instead what I choose to do with those feelings is what can either honour God or dishonour Him. For example, in the beginning of my faith journey whenever I would feel tempted, I would choose to either paint or go out for a walk. We can choose to redirect the pint up energy through being artistic or being physically active. Release the energy! Purity is a mental journey as much as it is a spiritual one.

13. What’s your take on purity rings? Are they biblical? Do they help in maintaining your purity walk? If so, in what ways?

Uhmm I am not against purity rings, I believe to some extent they are biblical. We see in the Old Testament that people were encouraged to write down the laws and precepts of God on their forearms using bands, ondoorposts and even on their gates (see Deuteronomy 6:6-9). They were encouraged to use these everyday objects as reminders of God’s word. So, if someone feels like having a purity ring is the best way to keep themselves accountable, since it stands as a reminder then I think they should totally go for it. I think purity rings and purity necklaces are a good step in the right direction. They can stand as a constant reminder of our call to purity.

Deutoronomy 6:6-9 NIV

“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

14. What’s the difference between purity and holiness?

Holiness is what God gives to us and in turn purity is what we give to Him.

15. Does celibacy equate to purity?

Nope! Not at all. Many religions and practices promote celibacy. The ability to abstain from sexual activity does not make us sexually pure at all. However, our celibacy as Christians turns into a pursuit of purity once we do it in order to obey God, separate ourselves from the world, allow the Lord to cleanse our hearts, and create an environment within us that the Holy Spirit can dwell.

16. How do we as believers overcome temptations and urges that seem to be too strong?

The best advice I can give someone who is struggling with a strong temptation is:

A) Be devoted to prayer and spending time in the presence of God

B) Be honest and tell the Lord exactly what you need and exactly what you are struggling with.

I remember in the beginning of my journey, when I decided to take this walk seriously, I decided to keep it real with God. I would tell God that I am struggling with sexual sin because quite frankly I enjoy it, however the consequences of it are heartbreaking. I told God just how weak I felt in this area and then asked Him to show me why I should walk away from this sin. I asked Him to give me a deeper understanding of just how defiling porn, masturbation, and fornication was.

I believe the Lord honoured this prayer because it was honest and raw. So keep it real with the Lord. Tell Him that you desperately need His grace and His help in this area. He hears the cries of His children.

17. If one struggles with an impure desire how do they break free from that? Is there a need for deliverance?

There is always a need for deliverance, I say this because I believe that the process of sanctification is truly never ending. However, if there is an issue of impure desires, chances are there is a need for deliverance but on the other hand it is possible that it is an issue of learning how to renew the mind and resist the enemy. I am also a firm believer in praying for yourself. A lot of the deliverance I received was from taking time to fast, to pray, and to seek God for myself. I believe that God Himself can encounter us and deliver us all we need to do is position ourselves for it.

18. Is anyone exempted from the journey to purity?

This is a journey we are all called to, whether young or old, single or married. We are all called to sexual purity and moral purity. So, no one is exempt. We are called to pursue purity and honor God with our lives.

19. Why is it called the journey to purity ? Can’t we just find ourselves there once we receive Jesus?

I call it a journey to purity because it is a journey. As I said before, the process of sanctification is a never ending one. I believe that to be true for purity as well. The Lord is constantly working on us and cleansing us and conforming us to the image of His Son. It is only when we cross over into eternal glory that we will finally be able to say that we are as pure and perfect as Jesus is. But as long as we are still on the earth, it remains a journey. There are moments of this process where the Lord is dealing with what we do with our bodies, thenthere are moments He begins to deal with the posture of our hearts and thoughts, and then He goes on to deal with our characters and then there are seasons where He is dealing with our speech– and this is a process that goes on and on. We mature and we learn that purity is layered and therefore a journey.

20. The world mocks the church for its purity, what advice would you give to someone who is going through peer pressure from friends , family, coworkers to engage in some activities that are not in accordance to scripture? 

Disregard the shame! Make an intentional decision to ignore it! There is a reward in disregarding the shame of the world. They know not what they do.

21. Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experiences and how they have shaped your faith and life?

I have come to learn that a purity journey that does not acknowledge the goodness of sex and sexuality is an incomplete one. As I said, SEXUAL PURITY IS NOT ABOUT SUPPRESSING YOUR DESIRES, IT’S ABOUT REDIRECTING THEM! And practicing this has helped me a lot.

What does this mean? It means allowing the Lord to not only strengthen our self-control but also allowing Him to renew our language and mindset around our sexuality and sexual desires.

Most of the time when we are on this journey, we tend to have so much guilt attached to our past that when our bodies respond in some kind of way, we immediately dub it as sin. However, I want us to instead consider that maybe you’re feeling the way you’re feeling, simply because it’s normal to feel that way. It’s not because it is some spiritual attack of any kind or because you haven’t received deliverance, but simply because you are a human having a human experience. Now, I am in no way saying that the enemy does not attack us in this way, because we all know that he does BUT I want to put an end to us being silenced and condemned for feelings and emotions that are completely normal and okay. If we don’t do this, we’ll find ourselves going around in circles with the enemy, trying to fight a battle that has already been won!

Part of this journey to purity is about changing the narrative and realising the beauty and goodness of sex and even our sexual desires. There is a freedom we receive when we recognise these feelings as part of Gods purpose for our lives, which we will one day understand and explore in marriage. When we approach our sexualities in this manner, freely and openly offering it to the Lord, the enemy loses power, because he only holds power the longer he is able to contaminate and pervert what is good and holy.

I want to suggest that the next time you feel some kind of way, instead of assuming that it is an attack on your purity or before you start feeling guilty and sinful – get into prayer but change the narrative: 

“Jesus, I thank you that the way I am feeling is not sinful or dirty. My body is functioning the way you have designed it. Feeling aroused is not a sin, the sin is what I do with those feelings, and I am choosing to redirect them and speak to You, oh Lord. I pray that if the enemy is trying to open any door of sin or temptation through this feeling, I shut that door in Jesus’ Mighty name, but I come out of any type of guilt or condemnation the enemy wants to attach to me. I also repent for any thought or door I may have opened. I dedicate my sexual desires and feelings to you because they belong to You, they are good and are given to me by You! I will honor You with them! Thank You for giving me the spirit of self-discipline and self-control. AMEN!”

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Interview with Zinhle

Question: Can you share a bit about your childhood and the circumstances that led to growing up without a mother?

Answer: At the age of 4years , mom chose relationship over her own biological kids. She left and never looked back and sadly in the process my dad passed away as he was the only parent standing. The Queen who adopted me stepped in and she tried to fill up that motherly gap but still there was that void in me that longed for that motherly love that I never had to experience. Back then I couldn’t understand why I had to go through unfavourable conditions.

Question: How did not having a present mother affect your upbringing?

Answer: It affected me big time. I believe I was robbed a beautiful childhood because I was longing that one day I might be reunited with that one person who had became a stranger. I remember some days I will see some women passing and think what if that person is my mom. I had lots of questions on why was I brought in this planet to face rejection. It took me a while to find a sense of belonging, as many kids would be talking about their experiences with their moms and I had nothing to share.

Question: Who were the significant figures or role models in your life during your childhood?

Answer: My Aunty the beautiful Queen who had to take care of me during the last days of my father’s life. She raised me well and I will be forever indebted to her. She taught me Ubuntu, kindness and Hard-work. She laid out the good foundation. She is my role model, from her I learnt that we are here on this planet to serve and kindness is something that can be learned.

Question: How did your faith play a role in helping you cope with the absence of your mother?

Answer: During my teenage years it affected my faith because I believed that God had His own favourites but now that I’m surrounded with many believers I now see it as a blessing and I believe that everything happened for a good reason which God foresaw from the beginning. I love the book of Jeremiah where it says I Knew You before you were born, what I draw from this scripture it shifts the whole atmosphere and it changes everything about how I had perceived myself.

Question: What challenges did you face growing up without a mother?

Answer: Trying to fit in one was of the challenges I faced. Growing up I had to lie always about the whereabouts of her and at times I would say she passed away instead of answering questions which I didn’t have answers for. I had to pretend like all was well but deep down there was that child in me screaming for answers.

Question: In what ways did other women in your life, such as relatives or mentors, influence your spiritual and personal growth?

Answer: Women in my life have played a Huge role in my influence, spiritual journey and my personal growth, they made it easier for me to walk boldly In this beautiful journey called life. From my surrounds I get to learn that you cannot do this life thing in isolation you need a community that will cheer you up or that will pull you up when you are down as like if full of difference phases that we get to experience.

Question: Were there any particular Bible verses, Christian teachings, or church experiences that brought you comfort?

Answer: For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. ‘” — Jeremiah 29:11.
This scripture was the answer to the thousands questions I had. I found comfort in the promises of God.

Question: Did you ever question your faith due to the absence of your mother, and how did you reconcile those feelings?

Answer: yes countless times, I guess my faith was tested and dwelling in the word of God changed the whole narrative.

Question: What advice would you give to others who are growing up without a parent, particularly a mother?

Answer: My advice will be: Remember that other things are out of your control. Trust in the Lord and allow God to lead you, and other questions will be answered in Heaven so strive by all beens to make it to heaven.

Question: Do you have moments of feeling alone, envying those with their mothers?

Answer: Yes I do believe we all experience loneliness moments, I call it rollercoaster emotions. I don’t envy anyone with a parent but I am striving to be a better mom to my daughter.

Question: Have you healed from this or does it still affect you

Answer: I believe so, for me to share it without shedding any tears. I am living in acceptance era moments.

Question: Is there anything else you'd like to share about your journey and how it has influenced your faith and life perspective?

Answer: My journey has taught be about the power of forgiveness and Faith. The First Step to Healing is Forgiving and Letting Go of anger. Forgiving others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve. Forgiveness is the final form of love. I forgive myself and set myself free.

Editor’s note

What I’ve learned from this is, be a present parent. Mothers be present. Fathers be present. It goes beyond money. Be intentional about building a relationship with your children. The average adult has childhood traumas caused by many parental factors. No man or woman is worth you abandoning your children. They will not be kids forever , the time given to you to groom them is actually very limited considering the world is already setting the standards for them. We pray for all those who have experienced neglect and rejection. The stone that the builders rejected has now become the chief cornerstone!

Fast forward to when I started my monthly period . I struggled because l had no pads so l had to use an old cloth. I started dating at a very young age so she can get food and other stuff for us. I then came to S.A to look for greener pastures . When l got here l started working as a maid. My boss was so abusive that I did not last 3 months with her. After leaving this job I began to go to church, l prayed everyday believing that God will change my life. This was my everyday prayer ;

“God please change my situation i don't want to remain poor for the rest of my life.

I had one pair of shoe (pumps) . I didn’t even have any toiletries and it really was too much for me to handle.

BUT GOD! God changed my life in a way that until today I look back and say ,”This is how far the Lord has brought me.”
Words of encouragement to anyone in that situation never stop believing. Never stop praying. There is a God in heaven who answers prayer. Looking at my life right now I see God and His mercy. I am a mother to two beautiful children and a wife to one husband, by God’s grace l am alive and well! Here’s a picture of me;

Editor’s note

May God heal every orphan from the pain of losing their parents. You are actually not an orphan. You have a Father. God loves you. I lead a prayer group called the Midnight Prayer Group , we often do outreach at orphanages. To partner with us; send us a dm by clicking the highlighted link . You can donate groceries, toiletries, uniforms, etcetera. Help someone today . ❤️

Interview with Oboitshepo Tladi

1. What does purity mean to you?

At first purity simply meant abstaining from sexual sin, but very quickly the Lord expanded and is still expanding this concept of purity to me. At the current time, purity means dedicating my entire self to the Lord. More importantly, it means keeping my heart pure. This starts by thinking purely so that I can live a life that pursues holy behaviour. In short, purity means remainingseparate from the world and being constantly ready for God’s work. 

2. Can you share a bit about your personal journey and what prompted you to start this journey?

Well, I believe my journey of purity started while I was still in high school. Around the age of 14 I made a vow to the Lord that I would wait for marriage before engaging in any sexual activity and for a while I held out but very soon after making that vow – I started dating an older guy and that vow quickly disappeared. After that came nearly 10 years of trying to find my way back to the Lord and back to the vow I made. Around the age of 23, is when I truly encountered God again and decided that I wanted to take our relationship seriously and pursue Him with all I got, without any distractions. Now I am 29 years old and I can honestly say that although the journey is challenging, giving myself back to God has been the best decision I have ever made. So I rededicated myself to my purity journey after being heartbroken and remembering that I was much safer in the hands of God than in the hands of man.

3. How did your upbringing and faith background influence your views on purity?

Lol, my upbringing and faith background influenced my views on purity in both a positive and negative way. On one side it emphasised the need to consider sex as sacred and holy – while on the other hand it made sex and everything that is related to it, seem so taboo. I think this is why at such a young age, I began experimenting because I was curious and wanted to know what this ‘thing’ was that I was supposed to stay away from. In hindsight, I thank God that my upbringing placed suchan emphasis on sexual purity because now I have a deeper appreciation for those boundaries that my faith sets up. However, I do think that if sex was brought up in a more positive light and in a more casual and open manner as I grew up, maybe I would have been less curious since all my questions and concerns would be answered through simple conversation.

4. What challenges have you faced in maintaining your commitment to purity?

I think one of the greatest challenges I have faced is the element of patience. No one really speaks on how pursuing purity goes alongside pursuing patience. It is really hard to separate the two. So we are really good at preaching about abstaining but not really good at speaking about how your journey of abstinence is going to require enormous amounts of patience. I have seen in my own life how when I tend to lack in the area ofpatience my purity also gets affected. 

5. Have you experienced any setbacks, and how did you overcome them?

I definitely have experienced some setbacks and I overcame them through this one scripture in Hebrews that constantly blows my mind. This is Hebrews 4:16AMP, it reads: 

“Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment].”

What I love is that this scripture clearly tells us what the plan of action should be in moments of weakness. It’s very clear that when you feel weak that is THE BEST time to run to the throne of God. When you are weak is when you are called to be the most confident whenapproaching His throne, knowing that at the feet of Jesus is where we will most definitely without a doubt receive the grace and mercy we need. So that’s how I overcome. I remind myself that in moments of weakness the Lord expects me not to hide from Him but instead to approach His throne with boldness.

6. How has your relationship with God influenced your decisions and commitment to purity?

My relationship with God is the very reason why I chose to pursue purity. Without Him it would be impossible. I need Him in order to remain on this journey. It is He who keeps me and because of this, I have noted that inseasons where I am not dedicated to seeking Him, I find that my commitment to this journey is tested the most because truly He is the one who keeps. The closer I am with Him, the easier it is to be kept by Him. The further I am from Him, the easier it is to be led by my flesh.

7. Are there specific Bible verses or teachings that have been particularly meaningful to you?

Yes, as I mentioned Hebrews 4:16 has always kept me going in times of difficulty. However, the one scripture that we are all very familiar with has also been a solid foundation for this walk. This is 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 AMP:

“ Run away from sexual immorality [in any form, whether thought or behavior, whether visual or written]. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the one who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you, whom you have [received as a gift] from God, and that you are not your own [property]? You were bought with a price [you were actually purchased with the precious blood of Jesus and made His own]. So then, honor and glorify God with your body.”

I believe that 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 is the gift that keeps on giving! it simply never gets old and it provides the very reason why it is so important for us to remain pure: WE ARE THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

8. How do you handle conversations about purity with friends or others who may have different views?

I always try my best to encourage them to abstain from sexual sin without making them feel like I am judging them. I always try to approach the matter from a place of humility, reminding them that I understand where they are coming from and what they are going through. I remind them that it is indeed a difficult thing to walk away from but with God nothing is impossible. I maintain my stance, I remain open to their experience, without compromising my beliefs. 

9. What have been some of the most significant lessons you've learned on this journey? 

There is no purity without humility! Humility reminds you that it is the grace of God that has kept you from falling. It is not your ability nor is it your strength that has gotten you this far. A lot of Chirstian women believe that they are somehow better because of their ability to remain pure forgetting that it’s God that has empowered them do so. It’s not because they have this incredible skill of abstaining or because they are so self-controlled and obedient but instead it’s because God is gracious. Without this understanding we risk falling into the very sin we confidently claim to resist by our own strength. Pride comes before the fall, so always remember that it is God who keeps you, so rely on Him and not your ability to keep yourself.

10. What advice would you give to others who are striving to maintain purity in their lives?

Surrender your sexuality to God. Surrender your sexual desires to God. Surrender your sexual orientation to God. Surrender your sexual drive to God.

EDITORS NOTE

Family we have more to come on Part 2 of this interview. Oboitshepo was given lots of questions as this is a very important topic for us to discuss as women pursuing purity even as the body of Christ. I’m sure we have all learnt so much from Part 1 already. Now tell a friend to tell a friend that there is more … send them the links and let’s all come and learn from the wells of wisdom in these women. Happy new week. Go in thy strength!

Interview with Thandiwe Shiridzi

1. Can you share a bit about your diagnosis with fibroids and how it has impacted your life?
   
   A – “Dramatic and Exaggerating the pain, after all its just period pains and every woman go through it, once you give birth you will be normal, stop being extra.” Those are the words I heard every time I cried about period pains, during that time of the month I will be throbbing, experiencing cramps, pain in the lower abdomen, nausea, diarrhoea, bloating, headaches and vomiting. I have tried all types of medication just to numb the pain and sleep as it would be a very long day, Funny thing no medication seemed to help as I would vomit everything that is when I saw that it’s not just a period pain. When I was student, I would skip class and write sick exams during my cycle as I wouldn’t function, the problem started when I joined the labour market as I cannot be absent for four days every month. As I grew up started noticing changes in my body and my flexibly, I’m always tired, bloated and constipated. I started experiencing pains in my leg and pelvic,have pressure in my abdomen, heavy clotting periods. My cycle become 19 days which means I go to my periods twice in one month, I have been to clinic and told its normal until I decided to consult with a gynaecologist. That is when I discovered I have uterus fibroids (non-cancer muscle tumours of the uterus) which are currently 7cm and they 3 of them. Living with fibroids is challenging you must plan around your menstrual cycle and always be ready for those random spotting. First day of my periods I don’t go anywhere, due to heavy bleeding, severe pains and been bloated. Your body changes so as your moods, you deal with daily pain and discomfort. My uterus feels heavy and when I lay down flat, I can feel the lumps, we don’t have flat stomach as we want to.

2. How has your faith helped you cope with the challenges of living with this condition? 

A – It is very easy to feel like most unfortunate person on earth as this is a monthly pain, I speak healing every time and reassuring myself that God is with me, and he will surely heal me. Sometimes I question myself on what I did to deserve this but again the word of God say whatever that is true, noble, right, lovely, admirable, excellent think of such. this thinking encourages me daily that God is not a man to lie, therefore healing is my portion, and I’m healed blessed and highly favoured.

3. Were there any specific moments when you felt afraid and discouraged?

A – l recently went for my annual scan just to monitor the progress of the fibroids , the fact that they grew drastically and been told about the myomectomy procedure, really scared me. I just told my friends how my brain its playing games with me. This will be my first time going to be admitted in a hospital let alone been operated, I trust God, he didn’t brought me this far to leave me. He is Faithful

4. How do you maintain your faith and hope during difficult times related to your health?

Negative thoughts are there daily, I speak life into my situation, prayer and the word of God. Faith comes by hearing the word. I declare healing over my body. I Attend midnight prayer group participate in everything that builds my faith. I also guidance from the holy spirit after all He is a wonderful counsellor, God says cast all your burdens to him for he cares for us.

5. Are there any Bible verses or Christian teachings that provide comfort or strength to you?

Psalms 121 – The are moments where you feel so alone,depressed, tired, exhausted and defeated, when I cannot describe the pain. Then I just shout that my help doesn’t come from man but comes from the Lord who created heaven and earth, my maker, whom nothing is impossible with. This word reassures me that God is in control, just be still and know He is God.

6. What has been the most challenging aspect of living with fibroids , and how have you overcome it? 

I once posted a picture of myself and questions I got is , “ Are you pregnant, OH girl you can’t let go of yourself like that, drink this and that to reduce that tummy.  I have a baby and look way better than you.”. I recently told my supervisor about my situation the first she told me is how she can never have fibroids and how she takes care of herself.  The process starts within, you must love and accept yourself and acknowledge the situation you are facing and seek help, talking about it helps me to cope. Never been anxious about tomorrow instead praying, I’m fully aware that fibroids affect fertility at the same time children are gift from God so trying to figure out a way and overthinking affects me, so I just surrender it to God.  Daily declaration, I’m aware that removing fibroids doesn’t guarantee that they won’t come regrow again, but I speak life and declare I would never experience this again, remembering that God has given me authority, whatever I bind on earth its bound in heaven.

7. Have you found any support within your church or faith community that has been particularly helpful?

I normally don’t speak about it as seems embarrassing and very sensitive, for past months the spirit of God has been locating me, I will just be called and my out and my Pastors will be praying for me. With few people I have discussed with I get support and encouragement. Listing to testimonies of people who God has healed encourages me daily, all things are possible.

8. What advice would you give to others facing similar health challenges, especially from a faith perspective?

Prayer is important, find someone to talk to so you don’t lose courage and faith. Our help comes from the Lord. Trust In God all the time.  Speak the change you desire; your tongue has power to create and destroy.

9. Is there anything else you'd like to share about your experience dealing with fibroids ? 

Another factor that causes fibroids is hormonal imbalance, therefore change in diet is essential, research and speak about it and be open minded not everyone understands. There are other ways people shrink the fibroids ; castor oil compress I guess depending on the size and experience.

10. What scripture has been your anchor?

Isaiah 43 

Editor’s note – We agree with you by faith Thandiwe – your surgery will go well. You will come out with a testimony and we use you as a point of contact for every woman with womb problems, every sickness, virus, disease, we declare freedom by the blood of Jesus. We can’t wait to hear your testimony!! As women, let’s get checked up as much as possible, this month there are places where there’s a discount for things like Pap smear, let’s go and get our check ups 🩷

I met him when I was 17 and it was the best feeling ever.

Some are fortunate to have both parents. Parents that love you ,care for you and support you. Growing up I only had the chance to receive that from one parent who is my beautiful mom. I am of the belief that unless one parent is deceased there is no reason why one parent should raise a child but well under different circumstances such cases are common. My mom came to a foreign land in South Africa to seek for employment where she met my father and so I was conceived.

Things did not go well and my mother never saw my father again. In 1996 I was in born and the responsibility of raising a child on her own started . She went through a lot from working two jobs to knocking off very late to me sleeping at creche sometimes to days without laying my eyes on her . I remember at a young age telling her to stop working and stay with me and she would always say ‘I cant my baby Im doing it for you so you can have your ultra Mel’ which I loved at that time. Yoh I would cry every time she left me at creche and I would tell her she doesn’t love me which broke her heart. Fast forward 6 years later I went to stay with my grand parents back in Zimbabwe. 

They were good people and they made sure I did not feel the need of having parents but you know there was always a gap however my mom would always try to cover it by getting me everything I wanted and I am so proud of her. My young self needed my father to carry me on his shoulders, to tuck me in bed, to tell me he was proud of me when I got the best results at school, I just needed him to be there for me. Even though I felt certain discomfort comparing myself to other kids who had fathers, I was growing as a normal, strong and self-reliant person. I told myself that we do not choose our fathers, this is the way it happens for some of us. 

As I got older I took a step in of search of my father. It was not that hard because I had all the information I needed . I met him when I was 17 and it was the best feeling ever. We are still working on our relationship gradually and it sure has its ups and downs but we here now. Unfortunately I came across things that I had a hard time dealing with due to being fatherless. Low self esteem as you would guess because I would feel like if my father could not love me then who else will and it also affected my romantic relationships.I would feel the need to be independent and having a male do stuff for me was foreign , it still feels quiet awkward when someone expresses interest but oh well thats what makes it interesting right. Yes , there is a difference between those people who have fathers and those who have not, especially in early age. It changes how you look at the world and even how you relate to it.

God had a plan and a purpose why I was brought to this world according to Jeremiah 29:11 so I might as-well find happiness in my experiences and live a life full of joy and love.

EDITOR’S NOTE

One of the biggest challenges in society today is the issue of single parent households. I call it a challenge because biblically it is not the plan of God. God put family structure from the beginning fully aware of the need for two parents to be present in a child’s life. It’s a prayer point for intercessors to really press on because things must change! I always encourage those with both parents to honour and appreciate them because growing up with one or the other as Cindy mentioned, changes how a child relates to the world, to self, even to God. God as Father. I pray God heals all of the people who had to go through this and are still going through it; He is the Father of the Fatherless. He Fathers well. He is a good Father. Your father’s absence is not a mirror of God. He is ever present. Remember, you have a Father, The Lord God Almighty is His Name ! 🩷

Dealing With Heartbreak

1. Can you share a bit about your relationship and what led to the heartbreak?

A – I was in a relationship for 5 years and he left me to be with someone else whom he later engaged.

2. Was it a godly relationship? Did you enquire from God?

A – It was not a Godly relationship. Yes he was born again and he would pray with me and for me but we were very sinful. This includes drinking alcohol, fornicating etc. God told me to let the relationship go but I did not.

3. What were some of the emotions you experienced after the breakup?

A –  I was heartbroken! I felt unloved, betrayed and rejected. I thought it was the end of the world because never on a single day did I ever think I would go on with life without this person.

4. Did you have any particular coping mechanisms or activities that helped you during the healing process?

A – Well to be honest at first after the breakup I resorted to alcohol thinking it would help numb the pain but that was when I realised that it is a mistake that is just opening up a lot of wounds. It was then I went to God and asked Him to heal me and help me get through the pain and that is when I found church and serving being the things that helped me to cope

5. Did you seek professional help, such as therapy or counselling ? If so, how was that experience?

A – Yes I did. To be honest, therapy never helped me at all. I don’t know if I was possibly reluctant to getting help or it was just not working. Therapy was more of a money making scheme at that time.

6.What was the most challenging part of the healing process for you?

A – It was coming to acceptance with the breakup and knowing that it is over. That the person I thought would marry me actually chose someone else and also that God did not want this relationship for me.

7. Did you discover anything new about yourself during this time?

A – My ability to speak healing to others even when I was hurting. I discovered this very strong quality about myself that I never knew existed.

8. How has this experience changed your perspective on relationships and love?

A – I have come to the knowledge and understanding of God’s meaning of love and His requirements for relationships for His children. In the sense that we can never be unequally yoked and that this is mandatory for any child of God. I also still believe very much in love you can even say I am a lover of love, I however believe strongly in the kind of love that God wants for me which is one that reflects Jesus Christ.

9. How do you feel about the idea of entering a new relationship in the future?

A – I am very much excited! I can’t wait to be my future husband’s wife. He is blessed and so am I because I know that he is an amazing man of God who will be in love with an amazing woman of God.

9. What advice would you give to someone going through a similar experience?

A – Put your trust in God! For He knows everything. Cut off all contact if you still are maintaining it. If you have to cry, do it but cry at the feet of Jesus and not of the world. Forgive yourself and forgive him. We have been called to forgive as we have been forgiven. Let go and know God is in control.

10. Is there anything else you’d like to share about your journey of healing from heartbreak?

A – The Healing is a process and not an event. Do not expect all the pain and hurt to be gone in just one day but allow God to heal you and take all the time He needs. Remember that God knows everything and that heartbreak is not a surprise to Him though it may be to you. God knows your husband even when you still might not so all you have to do is trust Him, His plan and continue serving Him as you wait.

11. Words from you to you?

”God loves you! You are more than enough! Do not let that hurt be your identity. Your identity is found in Jesus Christ.”

EDITOR’S NOTE

Dealing with a heart thing is a hard thing. My advice from my own experience would be ; heal. Heal because if you don’t you’ll not only hurt others but yourself by making “broken people decisions”. These are the decisions that are impulsive and clumsy. Heal for you! Not for anyone else or to jump into the next relationship, heal for you because you need you. And my darling, let it go. New wine is coming. How long shall you mourn for Saul when the Lord has rejected him? There is a David chosen somewhere!

That balance I only found it in Jesus.

_ Christele Zongo

When I was young, l remember having conversations about the women who lose themselves after motherhood. Maybe we all said “this will never be me having kids doesn’t mean let yourself go” sometimes we become advisors to tell that woman how she should carry herself. 
Then years passed I became mother myself, far from home with no help except from my husband, it was hard. Exhausted, sleep deprived I begin to loose myself too. womanhood was an illusion, no more makeup, gain over 30kg, felt ugly. The balance that I thought I can achieve was just a mirage. Then came the time l had to go back to work. I think all mums knows the feeling “the mum guilt” leaving your baby to go work. It was hard, I’ll cry during my commute to work. How could I juggle between being a mom, wife, woman and an employee?
Society asks a lot from women, and that pressure is a burden to carry. Have kids and still look good, go to work and come do your chores, and take care of your husband.

I lost myself in the midst of all this. I was depressed, crying all the time, full of anger. I couldn’t take anymore so in December 2022 I decided to quit my job. During that time I decided to go visit my sister in Atlanta, and in that guest room of my sister house I decided to allow Jesus to have lordship over my life. To surrender everything. Trust me when I say that decision of surrendering was everything I needed. Step by step and one at the time God moulded me.
The balance that I thought was an illusion I obtained it in Jesus. I remember meditating on the Proverb 31 woman. Before that day I’ll tell myself that it’s impossible for a woman to be this balance and to be honest it is true, because it takes a supernatural power to be that woman. Without the Holy Spirit I’m tempted to say it’s impossible to find a balance in all this craziness.

The proverb 31 woman was an entrepreneur, an investor, a leader, a wife and a mom, she had that perfect balance. And that became a prayer point. I told God I tried myself but I couldn’t , I even lost myself. I didn’t even recognise who Christele was, I was tired but then l said God I surrender my whole life to you. Help me to be the believer, the daughter, the woman, the wife, and the mother you want me to be. And till now I still pray this prayer. 
I’ve been working 12 hours shift per day and despite the tiredness of work I still can find strength to hang out with my kids, cook some delicious meal for my husband, take care of myself and still have a personal Bible study.

The Bible said in Philippians 4:6 that in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to GOD.
Some prayer points might seem vain, I remember praying to be soft and more feminine, to speak calmly. Believe me, if you put a little faith in it, God will do as you asked. I wish it was my husband testifying this. The way that God softens me. Even my tone has changed. I was very masculine somehow it has disappeared😂.

To some mother I want to say the balance you need and aspire for is in Jesus. Learn to surrender, speak to him about your struggles, your incapacities , weaknesses, ask him to take them away.
We need that balance for a happy marriage, remember the proverb 31 woman, the scripture says that she is the crown of her husband, in other terms she is his pride, his riches. Meaning that some women can be their husband’s shame. The happiness of the couple and the family is “mostly”conditioned by wifey/mummy. 

In addition, we have to know that for us women to have a balance in our life we need help, the proverb 31 woman had help( house help)that’s why she was able to accomplish so much. To be productive you definitely need help, otherwise “hello” burn-out. 
I love to take care of my family, my husband, my kids. I love to cook for them but sometimes my husband cooks, while I’m watching tv or laying in my bed. When we both tired I ask my best friend to have them for sleepover and she knows that when I ask it’s because we need it. Having some help will definitely contribute in helping you finding your balance in womanhood, wifehood and motherhood 
To conclude that surrendering your journey to God is more than necessary, I’m even tempted to say that it’s a life saving process. Learn to surrender to God. Then after surrendering, learn to ask for help. You cannot do it alone. Your productivity is necessary for your family and marriage. Meditate on the proverb 31 it’s a blueprint for your journey. I prayed that our lord Jesus be the center of your life. I pray that you’ll find the balance you need for the happiness of family and marriage. God blessed you all

Editor’s note

I am so proud of you ! Those of us who haven’t married as yet, are learning . Thank you for all the lessons we learned from your journey. Dear wives, mommies and career women – you are the best! We love you !! 🩷