Where is she? Where is he?

Today we are wrapping up the topic of “Can God show you your spouse?” and I just want to narrow it down to the question that many singles ask ,”Where is she?” “Where is he?” “When is he going to find me?” “Where is she going to come from?” “Is this the one?” “Should l keep waiting?”

You know, John was so discouraged that he sent his disciples to ask Jesus, “Are You the One, or should we wait for another?” because they had been waiting, and it was almost like, “I’m still in prison, so are You really the One?” These are the kinds of questions discouraged people ask. And today, I just want us to wrap this up, and I pray that God gives us peace concerning this topic and this entire discussion.

Now, the waiting season for marriage and the length of it is not the same for everyone. The people who got married at 21 or 25 there is really no set age in the Bible where it says, “By 30 you must be married.” Those are standards we often place on ourselves or standards we inherited from our families. Maybe your parents are saying, “You are already 28, where are my grandchildren?” and you’re wondering where exactly you are supposed to get these grandchildren from when no one is even saying hi to you. Your DM don turn into a desert.

The age at which people get married, the length of the waiting season, and all these things are going to look different for each and every one of us. And because that is true, I think we need to ease into that truth and accept it. You are not going to get married at the same time your friend gets married. You are not going to get married at the same time your neighbor gets married. Sometimes people are married for five years before you even meet your person, and only God knows why.

Sometimes there are still things you need to work on. Sometimes the other person is also not ready. Sometimes there are just many different factors involved. But whatever the case may be, the journey is unique to each and every one of us.

I feel like sometimes we become impatient and emotional because we are constantly comparing our journey to someone else’s journey. We are trying to catch up with friends, trying to keep pace with people around us, almost like there is this silent social media competition happening. I’m asking you, by the grace of God, to stay in your lane and remain committed to your own journey and your own path with God, especially when it comes to marriage SO THAT you don’t kiss frogs hoping they turn into princes & princesses.

Then there’s also a group of people who are like, “But where is he? Because God… really, where is he?” And someone may say, “But there are so many men around you.” No, that’s not the point. Where is he? Where is she? Where is my husband? Where is my wife? Where is the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh?

You get to a certain stage and you genuinely start wondering, “Okay God, but seriously… where is this person?” Is he hiding? Is she lost? Is she walking all the way from Zimbabwe to South Africa? What is actually happening here? Those questions are real. Sometimes you laugh about it, but deep down you really are wondering. For some people, that waiting season starts making them think maybe something is wrong with them & sometimes there is genuinely nothing wrong with you. You are just in a waiting season. Wait nicely. Wait well.

One of my friends and sisters, Zee, once told me something that really stayed with me. She said, “You have to wait well.” And I thought, wow… that’s so true. Waiting well means continuing to do your work in the field while you wait. Praising God while you wait. Worshipping God while you wait. Serving God while you wait. Healing while you wait. Being restored while you wait. Growing while you wait. All of these things matter in a waiting season.

You also need the right people around you while you wait. People who will encourage you and speak life into you. Not people who are constantly saying, “Ah shame, you’re getting old now, where is your husband?” or “Look, you’re aging without children.” No. Those kinds of voices will only discourage you further. If you ask me where my husband is, I will really bite you.

So maybe before you ask, “Where is he?” or “Where is she?” you first need to ask, “Where am I?” Maybe even, “Who am I?” I’ve had conversations with different people who are also waiting for marriage, and sometimes you quickly realise that someone is still deeply unhealed. It’s there. You can sense it. Someone is still very broken. Someone still hasn’t found a sense of purpose. Someone still doesn’t even know what they want to do with their own life, but they’re already ANGRY at God why He is not releasing Peter.

I think one of the things that really needs to die in the church is the pressure to marry simply because someone is of age or because they look spiritually mature. Just because someone can quote five scriptures & adds bold tongues sounding like a lion does not mean they are emotionally ready for marriage. L There is healing attached to marriage. There is emotional maturity attached to it. There are mindsets, habits, character, and ideologies attached to it.

So while there’s no formula that says, “Once you reach this age, you must marry,” you also have to be careful not to fall into pressure. Don’t force yourself into marriage just because after church everybody is getting into cars with their husbands and wives. Find out who you are. Find out where you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Find out where you are going. Build your life. Heal. Grow. Become whole. Trust that the person who aligns with that journey will find you, or however God chooses for you to meet. Desperation has introduced people to unnecessary suffering.

I think maybe we also need to be honest with ourselves. As you are right now, with your attitude, with your level of healing, with the way you respond to people, do you genuinely think you are ready for marriage? Many people will quickly say yes. But do the people who live with you find you easy to live with? Obviously nobody is easy to live with a hundred percent, but at least you should have an awareness of the areas where God is still working on you.

Then there are those people who are like, “No honestly, I think I’m ready.” If that’s you, then keep seeking God in prayer. Keep trusting Him. Keep walking with Him.

If anyone were to ask me where I am with this whole marriage thing, I think my answer now would simply be, I’m at peace. A goood measure of peace. I’m genuinely at peace. I found that when I pursue God and pursue Him wholeheartedly, He gives me assurance. He reassures me that I will get there. He reassures me that I’m in the right place and that He is helping me.

So I’m no longer in that place where I’m panicking and saying, “God, but he must look like this, he must come now, he must be this and this.” I’m not there anymore. I pray all of us get to that place where we just find peace. Peace with the fact that what God has for you will come in its time. Your anxiety concerning this is stealing your koinonia with God.

At the same time, I also want you to be careful, because many people will come. Your DMs will be active. Suddenly everybody has received a revelation about you. Someone once told me they had a dream of their wife in a leopard print top. He explained one of my photos so well, I thought hmm for reaaaaaaalzyyyy? Then I decided to go check my profile if I’ve ever posted that photo. Lo & behold! Ahh he wanted to crook me with dreams. They will tell you the sweetest stories. “I will give you the world” “I’ve never met anyone like you.” “God told me in a dream.” Ah. Discern, my sister. Discern, my brother. Please.

In all of this, I beg you, keep consecrated while you wait. Do not let loneliness push you into compromise. Do not let desperation make decisions for you. Don’t find yourself jumping from one bed to another trying to fill a void that only God can heal. Wait with wisdom. Wait with discernment. Wait with integrity. Zip up. Close up. “It’s winter, l need a blanket with eyes.” Where have you ever seen a creepy blanket like that? Get a hot water bottle & drink tea. Stop entertaining winter lust.

Lastly, hear God for yourself. You will get many people giving you advice on what to do. Some will say, “Go on dates.” Others will say, “Put yourself out there.” Others will say, “You’re too picky.” Ah, everybody will have an opinion. I want you to learn how to hear God for yourself. Don’t assume things. Don’t be emotionally led. The Bible says one of the signs that we are sons of God is that we are led by the Spirit of God.

So if you truly meet someone, pray. Ask God to lead you. Ask Him for discernment. Ask Him for wisdom. People always say a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage, l totally agree. If you’ve seen the red flags, my dear, step out. Stop trying to make a dress out of it. It is red. Leave. But if you’re seeing green flags, then praise God. All the best. Invite us to the wedding.

If there’s someone you like and you want to take your chance and approach them, honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that. Especially for the men , approach the girl. She says no? It’s okay. At least you tried. Imagine missing your wife because you were busy “waiting on the Lord” meanwhile the Lord was waiting for you to say hello. Womennnnnn , I don’t think you should approach men but yeah.

Dress well. Bath. Moisturise. Smell nice. Take care of yourself. The type you are looking for is also looking for a type. As for the question, “Where is the person?” Darling , I don’t know. If you thought I was going to answer that question, think again, think McCain. LOL. Anyways, “Lord, where is he?”

If you read my blogs but have never met this  Wonderful Jesus that I’m always writing about,  you’d love to get to know Him, Or you know The Lord but have found yourself drifting far from Him, I would love to talk with you. Please send me an email  on yieldedcwcenter@gmail.com or simply comment, and I will reach out to you